Three Benefits to Postponing Your Honeymoon

Here are 3 of my favorite reasons to wait to go on your honeymoon!

With weddings coming up this year I want to revisit an old favorite of mine and talk about the honeymoon! Traditionally, honeymooners travel far from home the day of or after their wedding; they spend hours in splendor basking in the joys of marriage.

It’s an amazing time to bond and grow in intimacy with your new spouse.

We went a different route. After being (unexpectedly) unemployed for several months, my husband had just begun a new job three months before our wedding. It wasn’t possible to take time off and, in all honesty, neither of us had money to travel.

But, boy, did we have a honeymoon.

In preparation for our marriage, Dalton scrubbed, painted, and cleaned our rental from top to bottom; after our wedding, I hopped into his white truck and we drove three hours northwest to our home.

And just like countless couples before us, Dalton carried me over the threshold and our honeymoon at home began.

After eleven months of marriage and lots of saving, we flew to Las Vegas for 10 days. Our honeymoon away from home bought and paid for out of pocket. 

There are several benefits for waiting to go on your honeymoon but here are three of my favorite. Let me know what you think!

1. You enjoy each other without pressure

Traveling naturally creates stress. Flying (or driving), checking in, and finding your way around a new environment can cause new couples stress.

For Dalton and I, two very happy introverts, there is no place like home. We settled into each other (and our marriage) without the stress and pressure of the outside world. Since I was new to our city, Dalton took me to places he knew I would want to visit and explore. He spent the first few weeks making my time extra special. It was wonderful.

2. You know each other

There’s a learning curve when getting to know your spouse. You haven’t learned each other’s spending habits or been humbled by their bravery and courage when unanswered prayers and broken dreams happen.

You don’t know each other yet but you will.

For us, it was worth putting off an official honeymoon. We know and love each other far better then when we first said “I do” which made our first vacation together that much sweeter.

3. You will enjoy your trip better

God designed marriage to be a beautiful, creative, sexual adventure for you and your spouse and it’s His will that you want for marriage to begin that amazing adventure.

Of course, each couple is different but, for me, it was important to give myself time. I can’t imagine how stressful it would have been for me if we were honeymooning in the tropics and every moment was filled with an activity.

Of course, I know it’s totally possible to plan a beautiful honeymoon and not be roped into all the activities offered. (Think cozy AirBnB in the mountains or beach resort). But for me, it would have been stressful. I loved knowing that at anytime we could go explore our new town and then safely retire back to our cozy, little home and into my man’s strong arms. Physical intimacy (and getting used to it) requires time and I am thankful for the space and freedom not being on a honeymoon offered.

What do you think? Let me know if you waited for your honeymoon or if you loved your getaway! I’d love to hear your thoughts! Also, check out Sheila’s To Love, Honor, and Vaccuum where she published this post!

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

Self-doubt in Motherhood

A sweet but vague truth has been spinning inside my mind and, to help put it all together, I’m going to try and put the thoughts into words …

That guilt you’re feeling (the mommy guilt) … it’s a lie.

The fears you have about your child’s development and people skills … they’re a lie.

Any doubt or anxiety plaguing you about your child or your ability to mother … all lies.

Being introspective, I wrestle terribly with self-doubt, fear, and guilt over my role as mother and how my little will turn out. I put value on doing well which means any sign of delay, struggle, or failure sinks me to my knees.

Currently, one struggle of mine is learning how to handle Uriah’s tantrums since he isn’t yet able to communicate with many words. As we walk through these (wonderful!) toddler years, I’m seeing a sweet independence develop within Uriah; we’re learning how to help him deal with those emotions constructively and Biblically.

When a melt down happens or Uriah is unusually fussy, the enemy whispers lies into my heart — if you were a better mom he’d be able to communicate better; if you had only spent more one-on-one time with him today he wouldn’t be throwing a fit; if you don’t respond well this time you’ll train his character poorly and he’ll always be rebellious …

I could go on and on describing the daily onslaught of lies I hear about my role as mother. I’m sure you can too.

But, sweet mama, let’s listen to truth. Let’s identify the anxious, condemning thoughts for exactly what they are — lies meant to tear you down and make you less effective as a mom.

Then, fling your burdens, gaze at Christ, and focus on the truth He has spoken over you

You are God’s workmanship created for good works that God has ordained

Mama, you have been called to be your Little’s mother. God created you to help them grow into people who love and do good. You are called, so you have been equipped.

You are a new creature in Christ which means old habits of fear, anxiety, and condemnation are over

God will help you guide your children’s character towards godliness. Because you yourself are learning and growing into the image of Christ you’ll be able to gently guide your own children.

And remember, you are never alone

God promises that “because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.”

If you are feeling conviction about your parenting or priorities, repent and move on. But the next time you feel crippled by self-doubt, worry, or guilt remember Whose you are and Who is living in you.

You’re not alone, mama. We have been called and chosen for this role — let’s believe that truth and cling to it!

Happy weekending!

Frannie

Why I Love the Roloff’s Podcast

I LOVE BEHIND THE SCENES PODCAST.

Every Tuesday Audrey and Jeremy Roloff release a podcast episode and I’m always ready to tune in, coffee in hand. It took me a while to jump on board with the whole podcast fanfare but this one is definitely a favorite for this year.

I don’t know about you but I tend to look at those with successful ministries, Instagrams, and published books and murmur and sigh … if only I had more talent if only I had a followingif only I had connections

(Pathetic, right?) 😉

Seeing other’s live their dreams and produce content inspires me but it also scares me; insecurity and fear whisper menacingly,

” … they’re meant to minister because they obviously have something you don’t. You’ll never be able to minister like them so why try?”

And that’s why I love the Roloff’s podcast — they share real life and all the messy bits. Behind the laptop screen, Instagram numbers, and published books are two people who are doing the hard work. They don’t have everything figured out; they have messy schedules, unfinished projects, arguments, roses and thorns in their everyday life.

The episodes are super practical which is perfect for me. So far, they’ve talked about forming family rhythms and habits, working with your spouse, entrepreneurial projects, and knowing your personality and using it for God’s glory. (Since I dream of working alongside D one day, I find so much of it inspiring!)

Since I consider motherhood, marriage, and blogging part of my calling and ministry, I love hearing from others about what has and hasn’t worked for them; so far, I haven’t listened to an episode that didn’t leave me some nugget of wisdom to cling to. (I also laugh a lot since they’re so easy to relate too!)

What’s some of your favorites this year? Do you have any favorite podcasts? Leave me a comment below and I’ll try to check it out!

Happy listening!

Frannie

My New Years Resolution for Our Marriage

2019 is the year for a thriving marriage! The past two years have pretty much revolved around our darling little and that’s okay! Between my misdiagnosed miscarriage, constant bleeding, PPROM, bed rest, 7 months in the NICU (while living apart), and then transitioning to motherhood and caregiver responsibilities — life has been crazy! 

And while Dalton and I love each other more than ever I am aiming to make 2019 a year of re-establishing our marriage as #1 priority. 

In effort to grow in our marriage, I am focusing on changing one thing and I think it’s going to be an awesome, life-giving habit! 

I’m choosing to support and complement Dalton’s personality and calling rather than compete against it. 

What’s that look like? Well …

  • Choosing to believe in, pray for, and support, in actions, Dalton’s vision for our family. 
  • Letting go of my expectations and enjoy who Dalton is and what he brings to the world. 
  • Diffusing conflict by receiving Dalton’s reactions graciously (I’ll post more on this later this month).
  • Building trust by being reliable, responsible health wise, and more upfront on issues brewing in my heart. 

When I mean complement I’m not talking about using kind words or flattery (that’s compliment); I’m referring to the dictionary’s definition:

a thing that completes or brings to perfection.

I have a nasty habit of second guessing Dalton and competing against his decisions and vision.

My “needing to win” attitude has caused a lot of unnecessary conflict, hurt feelings, and defensive attitudes. (I love the short article Jeff Bethke wrote about how the need to win will kill any relationship)

Thankfully, I have a loving God Who forgives and changes old thought patterns and sinful attitudes and a patient husband who loves graciously. <3 

This year, instead of fighting against D’s nature, personality, or vision to support them.

What are some of your 2019 goals? Have you chosen a list of resolutions or one word? Leave me a comment below or stop by Instagram. I love to hear from you! 

Love and blessings, 

Frannie

Why Nap Time Needs to be Your Time

In my early days of motherhood, nap time was a stress filled sprint — dishes, laundry, pumping, bottle washing, meal prep, medical equipment upkeep, toilet scrubbing, and bills all demanded my attention. I ran on low trying to cram my long list of to-do’s into the 3-4 hour naps Uriah took a day.

I was tired, frazzled, angst-filled, and guilt ridden because the to-do lists were never fully done.

Thankfully, my sweet, thoughtful, Mr. Fix-it sort of husband encouraged (demanded?) that I either sleep or relax during one or both of Uriah’s naps. He wasn’t keen on coming home to a freaked-out wife especially when the pressure I was feeling was my own creation.

It took several months to adjust to this new expectation — sleep (or rest) when baby rests. I’m a list-maker and relaxing and/or napping during the day made me feel unproductive, guilty, and that I was failing as a mom and wife.

Are you in the same boat? Do you struggle with feeling defeated, exhausted, and frustrated while you try to juggle motherhood and life? You are not alone, sweet mama! We have all been in your shoes. 

I think it’s important to remember that we don’t indulge in mommy time because we want to dull our exhaustion and never ending to-do lists. We enjoy mommy time because it refreshes us, equipping us to love more, feel better, and work harder. Therefore, taking time to rest is important. Mama, make nap time your time!

For me, my avenues of relaxation include reading God’s Word and connecting through prayer, catching up on my current Netflix craze, reading a favorite book, coffee, napping, being creative (blogging or crafting), decorating the house for new seasons, and having a friend for devotions and lunch. I won’t lie, I do tend to clean during nap time but that is because I enjoy cleaning and keeping up our house. But in the early days of motherhood I needed more down time so cleaning tended wait.

Tell me — what are your favorite down times? I would love to get to know you better so leave me your current Netflix craze, relaxation tip, or book? Here’s to you mama … now go take a break! 🙂 

Love and blessings, 

Frannie