10 Benefits of Marrying an INTJ

10 Benefits of Marrying an INTJ

If you’ve read Authentic Virtue very long there are at least three things you’ve discovered. One, that I really like hot, black coffee and visiting with family; two, that Jesus Christ is my daily Friend. And, three, that I have one handsome stud-of-a-muffin, blonde husband. 😉

Dalton’s personality type is the famous and lonely INTJ. He’s the calculating Architect and his people only make up about 2% of the population. INTJ’s are marked by there ability to value logic/truth over emotions. We couldn’t help but laugh as I read his profile to him — what a match! The Architect is a genius of sorts and because they base their lifestyle upon keen logic they can sometimes appear cold. Their dislike for tradition and social conventions lacking base in reason can make them appear to be the odd duck. INTJ’s make their way through life utilizing their love of logic and, as the 16Personalities writes, “People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy.”

I love it. I love my man and his mostly text-book INTJ personality. Because these guys are often misunderstood or misrepresented (Think Gandalf the Grey, Katniss and Professior Moriarty) I want to list ten benefits of marrying an INTJ. Because these folk are special and, like every personality, declare the glory of God.

1. You always know where you stand

This. IS. Awesome. I always know where I stand with Dalton; guile is not in his nature (or what little was left he surrenders to the Lord). INTJ’s are transparent, there is no need to pretend to feel what they do not. He says what he means and means what he says; there are no guessing games to play which is incredibly comforting to this feeling-oriented, sensing, multi-layered gal.

2. You can trust their opinion (because they’ve studied every possibility)

Naturally, Dalton and I have the occasional differing of opinions. We may never agree that Dr. Pepper is, in fact, the heavenly dew served to angels (how can it not?). And while I may not adopt them, I trust D’s opinions because he forms them with the most careful scrutiny of thought and observation.

I have the tremendous treasure of an INTJ who strongly believes in God’s written Word. And because of his careful, logical approach to life I rest easy knowing his principals and opinions (though occasionally different than mine) are founded on nothing else but on true wisdom. What a guy! 😉

3. You will be a lifetime-learner

INTJ’s are incredibly curious and become well-versed in their interests. Naturally, their interests vary to whatever grabs their attention. A few of my INTJ’s interests include: God’s Word, health and fitness (got my own personal trainer, ya’ll), me 😉 , anime (snicker, snicker) and food.

My Guy loves to share his interests with  anyone who genuinely cares; it is so fun to watch his eyes light up as he shares his latest discoveries in Scripture, how best to care for your body or to explain the  tastes and textures of a durian.

If you can appreciate your INTJ’s curiosity and interests you will never live a boring, stale life and you will be the better for it.

4. Your partner’s reactions will be based on logic

INTJ’s ability to react to life based on logic is a blessing often misunderstood. I love that my Man reacts to life’s troubles (and my own craziness) logically and with understanding. He isn’t emotionally dependent. The wife of an INTJ can trust that his responses to life will be balanced and logical. There will be little to no melt-downs, emotional crutches or feelings-based binges. When death, loss, disease or hurt come your way you can be certain that you will have a rock of a man next to you, ready to hold you as you cry.

5. You will have a sounding-board

As impressive (and possibly intimidating) as an INTJ’s logic is their open-mindedness is better. Dalton is always open to my suggestions and opinions; he is not too proud to believe his way is the best or only way. If given a better idea INTJ’s will gladly take to the suggestion and throw off their previous findings.

6.  You will never fear their compromise

INTJ’s are not swayed by their feelings, though they feel very deeply. Because of this INTJ’s are able to withstand temptation, feelings and situations that would normally disable the feeling-oriented man. (Of course, these folks are human and sinners like you and I … let’s not get carried away 😉

I love, *love,* love that I can trust my Husband. His character is unmoving (sometimes annoyingly so). His profession allows for a myriad of temptations to face him every day yet I know that my Man will remain steadfast and principled. It is a huge blessing.

Note: Your INTJ, though amazing, is still a sinner needing a Savior every day, so let’s be careful not to neglect prayer for our people and provide them with the same ample grace and love we need. <3

7. You’ll have a Jack-of-All-Trades

I mentioned earlier that marring an INTJ will encourage you to be a life-time learner. But it’s awesome to know that INTJ’s do  not limit their knowledge to their head. If you marry an INTJ you will marry  a jack-of-all-trades. Their determination, curiosity and independence  will ensure you a guy (or gal) with a mysterious toolbelt of experience and knowledge.

My Man was raised by a single mother who owned a hair salon and video store; most of D’s childhood was spent playing in a salon, organizing movies and listening to ladies gab with curlers in their hair. I knew that D had a lot of knowledge about a lot of things but when our tire went flat last Christmas in the middle of nowhere at 9 pm I was sure we ‘d have to wait till morning until tire shop could be found. He just isn’t a car guy. Imagine my surprise when my Man dug around, found the necessary parts and began the long, cold process of switching out the tires.

(Talk about attractive! 😉

Later, as we happily climbed into the repaired truck, I asked him how he knew what to do and if he had changed a truck’s tire before. His answer was no but that when he was little his dad had him rotate all the tires of his  tractor-trailer.

All I know is that being married to a jack-of-all-trades is a huge blessing. Oh, having a guy who happily changes a stubborn tire with a worn-out crank in snowy darkness is a great blessing too.

8. INTJs are fun

The quirks, frankness and vast knowledge of an  INTJ make them a lot of fun to be around. My INTJ is more quiet upon meeting new acquaintances but once he finds his place or niche he’s a riot. His unique personality allows for a lot of laughs and his desire to be making memories (a very logical thing) means he is very motivated to get people out and about doing something fun. His unique insight brings humor to hard, uncomfortable situations … something I have learned to appreciate and need.

9. Your INTJ will believe in you

Because INTJ’s base their life decisions on logic you can be sure their attention and love for their mate will be sincere and unrelenting. D chose to pursue me; his affection was not casual or hormonal. He honestly believed I would be an excellent choice. (Goodness me! 😉

Your INTJ will be a wonderful encourager and an avid support. D believes I can do anything I choose to do; an INTJ will encourage your interests (even if they do not share them) and you can count on their pride as you accomplish your goals.

10. INTJs are honest and frank

An INTJ will not waste your time with unnecessary tact (ouch!). This can be difficult to adjust to if you are a feeling-oriented personality (meaning you value folk’s feelings more than truth/logic). I know for me, an ISFJ, it has been shocking to hear my Husband’s frank opinions. Over time I have learned to accept and even appreciate his ability to speak plainly and without the buttering-up so often used by our culture.

I have also learned to appreciate the gentleness and kindness I so often see in my husband; it is important to remember that the Heavenly Father is always allowing the Holy Spirit to conform each of us into His image and that that looks different for each personality. My INTJ is purposes to speak the truth in love and to only share what he believes will benefit the listener. These are awesome qualities I greatly admire.

There you have it. Ten awesome benefits from marrying an INTJ personality. If you are so fortunate to have one of these special people in your life I encourage you to enjoy them fully. God’s imprint and handiwork is so visible in them that it’s too fun not to enjoy them.

Tell me your story. Do you have an INTJ? Have you taken the Myers-Brigg  personality test? Tell me who you are!

With love, blessings and coffee,

Frannie

( If you are not familiar with this set of personality traits I encourage you to take check out 16Personalities and take the online quiz; I’ve undergone the actual pen and paper test and was surprised to see the online quiz agree with the results. It has been an awesome tool for diagnosing family members (with their permission, of course) and understanding myself.)

25 thoughts on “10 Benefits of Marrying an INTJ

  1. GASP – my beloved Myers-Briggs!! *scrambles gleefully across the room to grab my well-worn binder full of articles and personality test results* *plunks down in front of computer to join in discussion*

    You are so right – you’re a very lucky girl to be married to an INTJ! My wonderful dad is an ISTJ, so he’s concerned with maintaining an orderly, peaceful system, rather than building or improving on one, as Dalton would be more likely to be. However, my dad definitely possesses the same awesome qualities of solid reason, broad-based knowledge, calm kindness, and wisdom as his INTJ counterparts. I love and admire my dad more than any other man in my world, and while that’s mostly because of the Christlike love and patience he exhibits, his wonderful ISTJ personality must be a joy of a tool for the Lord to work with! 🙂

    As you already know, I am an INFP. 😉 I dearly love being an INFP, despite our constant internal turmoil and feelings of being misunderstood outcast unicorns … I know that no one sees the world quite like I and my fellow Healers do, and I revel in that (probably more than I should, ha ha).

    (And … *cough cough* … you really should talk sometime about your awesomeness as an ISFJ!! I admire the daylights out of you beautiful busy little honeybees, and you guys need to be celebrated! If you don’t, trust me, someday I will!)

    Big sunshiney hugs to you, my dear!!
    ~ Vicki

    1. Vickie, you are so awesome!! This response was so fun to read … I’m happy you jumped across the room with your binder to join the conversation!! 🙂

      I love that you revel in your personality despite the trauma it sometimes brings your way. 😉 I think there is nothing more lovely then a soul who has accepted their making.

      And as far as writing an article about being an ISFJ … I don’t know where to start! Haha! How does one write an article about themselves? It would be a lot of fun as I do love my personality and all those related … its a good assignment, Ma’am!!

      With much love to you!

    2. I knew you were an INFP like me from the first paragraph! Lol, I love having that excited passion like when I was a little kid.
      Keep being an awesome unicorn, darling fellow INFP
      Also, is your full name Victoria, too?

  2. I am an ENFP-T “The Campaigner” Extraverted 45% Intuitive 28% Feeling 96% Prospecting 11% and Turbulent 80%. When I first saw this I thought “wow, am I really such an emotional turbulent mess?!?” LOL But it turned out to be really accurate and not bad, so I will embrace my ENFP-T self! 😉
    What an interesting personality test! I’ve never done one this detailed and accurate! I still need to get my hubby to take it, I can’t wait to hear his results (and also make him listen to mine lol) Have you done the Love Language test? I am a total gift giver, what is yours?
    This was fun, thanks Frannie! 🙂

    1. I’m so excited to talk about personality stuff with you!! I read up on your personality yesterday — you are a lovely set! 🙂 I especially thought it was accurate when it stated that you can naturally balance your self between small talk and deeper subjects and that you are in tune with those around you!! You are a great piece of work and I look forward to getting to know you better!

      I also keep thinking of your hubby waving his wand. So funny!

      Many blessings to you!! And enjoy the conference!!

  3. I loved reading your post. It’s so fun to listen to a discussion on personality types from a Christian worldview.

    I myself am an INTJ, which is apparently rather rare (especially for women). It can be discouraging to see so many articles, posts, and memes depicting INTJs as the “evil mastermind” type. I appreciate you pointing out the positive qualities as well. Thank you. 🙂

    1. Hello and welcome, Megan!

      Thank you *so much* for leaving a comment — I genuinely enjoy meeting new folk on here and hearing their hearts!

      Yes, female INTJ’s are very rare so congratulations on being such a find! 😉 I wrote this piece because of the exact reason you mentioned, the negative connotations with the INTJ personality trait. I wanted people to see the other, beautiful sides of the coin. I am very thankful for my INTJ and wouldn’t trade him for the world! 🙂

      I enjoyed visiting your blog and look forward to seeing your books develop more and more!

      Many blessings to you!

  4. Hello, I just read your article about, “Ten Awesome Benefits from Marrying An INTJ Personality.” I thought it was an interesting article to read. I am an INTJ female, and I am dating an ISFJ male. I like to read articles about INTJ & ISFJ relationships, because it’s nice to be able to relate to other couples! I can agree and relate with some of the things you say about your and your husbands relationship-except I am the INTJ and he is the ISFJ lol (I rarely read anything about that female and male combination). Thanks for sharing.

    1. Hello, Stephanie! Thank you SO much for leaving a comment. I love hearing from others in the INTJ + ISFJ relationship combo! I am in awe of your unique relationship because you, as a female INTJ, are rare! I wish we could grab a cup of coffee and you tell me all about the way your two personalities interact. So interesting!!

      Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Hi! I ran across your lovely article while searching for ways to show appreciation to the INTJ guy I’ve been dating for several months. All of the traits you listed are some of the very ones that I love and admire in my guy. He is gradually letting me farther into his circle, and it is always a joy to discover something new and unique about him. I myself am an INFJ, and have always felt a little on the outside, even within my own wonderful family. So it has been amazing to connect with him on a deep intellectual level and feel understood for who I am deep inside. I am so looking forward to our future together! What are some ways that you showed appreciation to your guy while dating?

    1. Hello and welcome, Jamie! I LOVE your amazing, appreciative attitude toward your INTJ man! I hope your relationship is doing well! I know you are certainly blessing him by seeing and appreciating who he is.

      And thank you for asking me about showing appreciation to INTJ’s while dating. My hubby and I have been married for three years (woohoo!) and I’m still learning how to appreciate him and let him know I think he’s the best. I remember Dalton LOVING me showing interest in what he was interested in. He really likes Japanese culture so one day I planned a date night with that theme in mind. I made a handmade cherry blossom tree out of branches and cut out tissue paper flowers. I served Asian cuisine for dinner and I think I had Japanese music playing in the background. He loved it!

      Another way Dalton feels connected and appreciated is when I work with him. Since he is a jack-of-all-trades he’s often experimenting with new projects. He feels so appreciated when I join him (even if I’m just watching).

      Have you found any ways to appreciate your INTJ? I’d love to hear!

      1. We are doing well. Our communication has gotten more steady and consistent. We text almost every day, usually off and on throughout the evening ending the night “with” each other. We have discovered a mutual love of complicated strategy board games, and have co-oped my brother for a third player. It has been so much fun to put my wits up against his and see who can come out the victor.

        One way that I have discovered I can and do show appreciation and care for him is one that you mentioned…to take an active interest in his interests, and to really listen to him. I ask questions and try to really understand what it is he is talking about. And my reward is a patient, deep explanation of complicated topics. He wants to have someone to talk to about his job, but he is a programmer with a really complex set of skills. I don’t know much about programming, but because I show an interest, he takes the time to break things down in ways that he knows I will understand. He creates analogies or visual representations of things so I can comprehend. His patience with me is very long, and I appreciate that.

  6. Oh, gracious, this is something I needed to read and a page I’m saving for safekeeping.

    You have so perfectly described my husband (my wonderful, dear, complicated, and thoroughly misunderstood husband)!!

    I am an INFJ and a studier of psychology and an enormous fan of the M-BPs. The word I have always used to describe my Jeff is “stalwart”. I really think there is no more perfect man out there, at least not for me. They are so loyal and independent, and such strong followers of God. I think that’s the key to being a GOOD INTJ. All that power and focus, when fixed on eternity….well, it’s amazing. I’m so grateful to share my life with such a find.

    Also, I’ve never connected the jack-of-all-trades to his personality type before, but you hit the nail in the head with that. He is a mechanic/carpenter/electrician/landlord/investor/welder/architect. I always assumed it was because of his unique life experiences, but I’m realizing his unique life experiences are because he finds interest in things, studies them with intensity, completes them the best way they can be completed, and then moves on to the next part of his plan and needs to learn/experience/master something else. So fascinating!

    One other commonality is his mild (ha, with them, there is no mild, right) obsession/fascination with health and fitness. He’s my personal trainer too!

    I am just so thankful to have come across this and to have it to refer to on those days when I get frustrated by his stubbornness, lol. I would say “Where do you live? We could be friends! Let’s get out guys together!”, but I have this feeling they would both refuse the offer. 😉

    Thank you so much. I am so blessed by this.

    1. LOL!! Hello and welcome, Lindsay!

      I am SO glad you left a comment letting me know you were here and that this post resonated with you. It sounds like our INTJ’s are a lot a like and I also would love to get together with you (but I agree, the men would probably both refuse … in the most congenial way!). Ha!

      Thank you for appreciating your husband for who he is. INTJ’s are wonderful, amazing personalities and I love all the joy, humor, and (exactly as you said!) power and focus mine brings into my life.

      I second your opinion on the blessing f being married to a God-loving INTJ. It really makes a difference, I think!

      I hope we can occasionally keep in touch because I love hearing from others married to INTJs. Enjoy your man! He has a lot to offer!!

      Blessings!

      -Frannie

  7. Wow! This was amazing to read.
    My husband is also an INTJ and just recently we had this talk about how he needs his alone time. I think I really hurt him during that talk by not being understanding of his personality and his needs.
    It has really blessed me to read this and it made me repent from being so not-understanding towards him.
    Thank you so much.
    He is Dutch and I’m a Brazilian and we are missionaries with Ywam in Norway.
    As to my own personality, I’ll have to take the test again. 🙂
    So happy I found you here!
    Blessings!

    1. Hello and welcome, Marina!

      I am *so glad* you saw new ways to cherish and appreciate your INTJ! 🙂 I know INTJ’s have interesting quirks that can be confusing or difficult but they are SUCH blessings to be married too. God bless you for having an open and willing heart to understand and respect your husband more. Your husband and home will really benefit from your attitude!

      It sounds like you have a full and adventurous life coming from two different cultures and serving through YWAM. I grew up on YWAM’s missionary books. 🙂

      I’d love to hear from you again as you figure out your own personality and see the benefits of appreciating and understanding your INTJ more. 🙂

      Love and blessings,
      Frannie

  8. What a wonderful, timely article to stumble across!! I am an INFP currently dating an INTJ and have fallen madly in love with him. He is so misunderstood even by his own family. I am very close with his family, especially his mom and sister, and one day before we started dating sister said to mom that we needed to get together, that she thought we’d be perfect. His mom was like “there is no way she will like him.” Well…I love him dearly for all of his quiet brilliance. We connect on so many levels. I am looking forward to one day hopefully being his wife, his help, his confidant, his strongest supporter, and his one true love. I am bookmarking this page so I can return to it often!

    1. Hello Jamie!

      I am *just* now responding to your comment (ah!) so I hope this is still relevant to your life. Regardless of your current status, I am SO glad you’ve gotten a chance to know and love an INTJ. They really are an amazing personality!

      I hope that your relationship has been blessed. I’d love t hear more if you ever see this comment!

      -Frannie

      1. Hi Frannie,
        Thanks for replying to my comment. Since running across your article, I have done quite a bit more research on personality typing and have realized that I am NOT infp but instead INTP! What a revelation because I struggled with not matching up with the outward expressions of emotion like I should. Now it all makes sense. I am still seeing Mr. INTJ, and we are growing closer. It has taken quite a bit of time for him to trust me, and I remain ever patient with him because he is so worth it! I get flack at times from family members who don’t really understand the dynamics of us, but I just put that aside and focus on the fact that I am happy, that he is happy, and that we are building a strong foundation of friendship and trust.

  9. Hi Frannie
    I loved reading your article, I had this amazing love vibe all through your thread.
    Relationships are amazing when it works for both, I wish you all the best in your conjugal life.
    I met an INTJ few years back, who basically changed how I used to think the ways of life. ‘He took away the old, showed me the new’ type of thing. I have always loved him from the beginning, but sadly he doesn’t reciprocate the same. He promised so many of times that he’d cease from any kind of contact with me, but he couldn’t abide by that either, lastly he resolved to keep me as his friends. I don’t know if he dates anybody or not, but I believe if he was committed to another then he’d clearly say that to me, that ls what INTJs do-be honest. He did lie to me about couple of petty things thoug, later he confessed his insecurities around them. I don’t know why he talks to me till to date, when I clearly said I love him and he clearly said he doesn’t. Not that he talks to me everyday but it seems he just doesn’t want to loose the contact forever.
    I know INTJs hate playing games or being played, but I don’t know what is this in between us. It’s too much for an INTJ herself isn’t it?
    I think it’s the first time I wrote on a blog or something, I feel great about it.
    Once again, good luck to you.
    Melle

    1. Hello there!

      I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time with the INTJ in your life. In my experience, INTJs do tend to be straightforward and detest games. However, every personality is unique and I strongly believe our character and belief system plays a huge role in how we live life.

      I hope that you are okay, friend. I have thought about your comment several times and actually had thought I had written you when I first received it. <3 So I am sorry for the (very!) late response!

  10. I am an INTJ. Life among the humans (how I refer to everyone else) can be VERY trying at times. My wife of 23 years is ESFP. Of our 4 children, both daughters and oldest (son) are Extroverted Feelers. Our younger son is ENTJ.
    SO MUCH EMOTION, SO little tolerance. I’ve tortured myself to be more understanding and their skins have thickened…. a little over the years. It’s NEVER our intention to hurt people’s feelings. We just don’t care about feelings. Not even our own. Not when they conflict with logic and reason.
    I really enjoyed #5 and #10.
    I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to say, “Stop focusing on HOW I’m saying it and just LISTEN to WHAT I’m saying!”
    Please continue your efforts to help the humans understand us. Thank you.

    -StuckOnThisPlanetWithTheHumans

    1. Hello and welcome non-human! Haha!

      I’m so glad you left a comment; I rarely hear from INTJs themselves so this is an honor!

      Your experiences echo those of my husband so I can relate. It has been an experience learning from him; I really appreciate his INTJ point of view!

      Finally, God bless you for working hard to understand and be understood. I really do believe INTJs have so much to offer the world if only the world is willing to overlook the bit of surface roughness and enjoy the deep, intellectual person. 🙂

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