Self-doubt in Motherhood

A sweet but vague truth has been spinning inside my mind and, to help put it all together, I’m going to try and put the thoughts into words …

That guilt you’re feeling (the mommy guilt) … it’s a lie.

The fears you have about your child’s development and people skills … they’re a lie.

Any doubt or anxiety plaguing you about your child or your ability to mother … all lies.

Being introspective, I wrestle terribly with self-doubt, fear, and guilt over my role as mother and how my little will turn out. I put value on doing well which means any sign of delay, struggle, or failure sinks me to my knees.

Currently, one struggle of mine is learning how to handle Uriah’s tantrums since he isn’t yet able to communicate with many words. As we walk through these (wonderful!) toddler years, I’m seeing a sweet independence develop within Uriah; we’re learning how to help him deal with those emotions constructively and Biblically.

When a melt down happens or Uriah is unusually fussy, the enemy whispers lies into my heart — if you were a better mom he’d be able to communicate better; if you had only spent more one-on-one time with him today he wouldn’t be throwing a fit; if you don’t respond well this time you’ll train his character poorly and he’ll always be rebellious …

I could go on and on describing the daily onslaught of lies I hear about my role as mother. I’m sure you can too.

But, sweet mama, let’s listen to truth. Let’s identify the anxious, condemning thoughts for exactly what they are — lies meant to tear you down and make you less effective as a mom.

Then, fling your burdens, gaze at Christ, and focus on the truth He has spoken over you

You are God’s workmanship created for good works that God has ordained

Mama, you have been called to be your Little’s mother. God created you to help them grow into people who love and do good. You are called, so you have been equipped.

You are a new creature in Christ which means old habits of fear, anxiety, and condemnation are over

God will help you guide your children’s character towards godliness. Because you yourself are learning and growing into the image of Christ you’ll be able to gently guide your own children.

And remember, you are never alone

God promises that “because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.”

If you are feeling conviction about your parenting or priorities, repent and move on. But the next time you feel crippled by self-doubt, worry, or guilt remember Whose you are and Who is living in you.

You’re not alone, mama. We have been called and chosen for this role — let’s believe that truth and cling to it!

Happy weekending!

Frannie

Why Nap Time Needs to be Your Time

In my early days of motherhood, nap time was a stress filled sprint — dishes, laundry, pumping, bottle washing, meal prep, medical equipment upkeep, toilet scrubbing, and bills all demanded my attention. I ran on low trying to cram my long list of to-do’s into the 3-4 hour naps Uriah took a day.

I was tired, frazzled, angst-filled, and guilt ridden because the to-do lists were never fully done.

Thankfully, my sweet, thoughtful, Mr. Fix-it sort of husband encouraged (demanded?) that I either sleep or relax during one or both of Uriah’s naps. He wasn’t keen on coming home to a freaked-out wife especially when the pressure I was feeling was my own creation.

It took several months to adjust to this new expectation — sleep (or rest) when baby rests. I’m a list-maker and relaxing and/or napping during the day made me feel unproductive, guilty, and that I was failing as a mom and wife.

Are you in the same boat? Do you struggle with feeling defeated, exhausted, and frustrated while you try to juggle motherhood and life? You are not alone, sweet mama! We have all been in your shoes. 

I think it’s important to remember that we don’t indulge in mommy time because we want to dull our exhaustion and never ending to-do lists. We enjoy mommy time because it refreshes us, equipping us to love more, feel better, and work harder. Therefore, taking time to rest is important. Mama, make nap time your time!

For me, my avenues of relaxation include reading God’s Word and connecting through prayer, catching up on my current Netflix craze, reading a favorite book, coffee, napping, being creative (blogging or crafting), decorating the house for new seasons, and having a friend for devotions and lunch. I won’t lie, I do tend to clean during nap time but that is because I enjoy cleaning and keeping up our house. But in the early days of motherhood I needed more down time so cleaning tended wait.

Tell me — what are your favorite down times? I would love to get to know you better so leave me your current Netflix craze, relaxation tip, or book? Here’s to you mama … now go take a break! 🙂 

Love and blessings, 

Frannie

To the mother in the NICU this Christmas

Advice to the mother spending Christmas in the NICU or PICU.

I see you … you’re drinking Ronald McDonald coffee you smuggled into your little one’s room sitting in the middle of IV alarms, feeding tubes, ventilator equipment, and nurses chattering in the background. You’re spending Christmas in the NICU, PICU, or surgery floor. 

I see you smiling at your baby — thankful to be with her even if she’s in a warming tank or you’re wearing those noisy isolation gowns.

Despite your smiles I know you’re struggling with tears and questions — why do we have to spend the holidays here? Why do we have to endure this?

It’s okay; I know that your burden is very real and very heavy.

Can I give you some advice as a woman who spent 281 days in the hospital with her baby?

Mama, decorate your baby’s crib. Even in the middle of the storm, you need to find ways to make these days special.

If baby can tolerate stimuli, I hope you sing her your favorite Christmas carols and dress her in the outfit you got at your baby shower.

Eat the extra cafeteria sugar cookie and take a little time to look at the Christmas lights down the street.

Give your husband an extra long kiss before he goes back to work.

Please buy a tiny Walmart tree and set it up in your Ronald McDonald apartment and enjoy the free gifts they leave hanging on your door.

This is your Christmas.

This horrible, exhausting, lonely Christmas is your Christmas and one day it will end.

One day you’ll look back at this season and wonder how the days passed so quickly.

But until then, be easy on yourself. Find ways to make these precious days count.

You need to survive these days just as much as your baby needs to survive. You need to be gentle with yourself — after all, you’ve lost so much normalcy — it’s okay for you to grieve the loss of normalcy.

It’s okay. 

Love and blessings from someone who has spent the holidays in the NICU and PICU

Frannie

My 3 Favorite Ways to Play with my Toddler

As a twenty-eight year old, first time mama, I’m learning a lot about the special relationship between mother and child and one of the most important life lessons I’m currently learning is how to play.

There’s something so beautiful and exciting when you see your child grasp new forms of play. Some of my forever memories will include watching Uriah motion to his favorite song or roar at me when I sneak up close.

Play is not only good for our little’s development but it makes for a happier life. Playing with your babies turns the tired, long, hard days of motherhood into days of joy, laughter, and memories.

Here are 3 of my favorite ways I play with my toddler!

Songs with hand motions

We LOVE singing songs — every morning, I start the day by turning on the bedroom light and singing our favorite morning song. The days are full of music and Uriah sings too! (Which is quite a joy and accomplishment considering most children with trachs cannot make sound). 

Some of our favorite hand motioned songs include Itsy, Bitsy Spider, Head And Shoulders, Wheels on the Bus, and Patticake.

Hide and Seek

Even though Uriah isn’t yet walking we have a fabulous time playing hide and seek! I hop down on all fours and crawl around, hiding behind furniture and around corners. Uriah loves looking for mama and the victory of finding me!

Playing Pretend

Ah, this is the best! We’re starting to enter the more advanced stages of play which include pretending. I love watching Uriah drive his cars or walk his little toy animals across the floor. It really is the best!

A friend recently gave me more ideas for pretend play and they included:

Playing with your toddler really is limitless and you don’t have to have expensive toys to make it successful! All of the ideas above basically involve time, effort, and you smiling.

(And to the special parents out there with children who may have medical issues and developmental delays — you can play too! I know it’s hard (and you have a million things to do) but your little one needs you to be their playmate as well as their caretaker, advocate, and appointment maker. They need your smiles and laughter!)

So here’s to all of my fellow mamas who choose to take the time to play. And here’s to motherhood — the snot, chores, hugs, late nights, tickles, and life lessons all rolled into a sweet and precious relationship between mother and child. Enjoy!

Frannie

What are some of your favorite play activities you do with your baby/toddler? What’s your favorite hand motion song? Leave me a comment below! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

When Your Child Looks Different

In 2016 my water unexpectedly broke at 24 weeks landing us in our local hospital. I spent the next 63 days hoping and praying that I could stay pregnant for as long as possible. Those were long, hard weeks.

When you experience PPROM (preterm premature rupture of the membrains) you never really know how much time you’ll get with your baby. There are a million fears that plague you as you rest in bed and experience a high-risk pregnancy.

Add to the fact that we had been told our son had possible facial anomalies and the fear factor rose a million degrees. I worried — what if my baby has a misshapen nose or only one eye? (These were real issues we dealt with as the ultrasound was unreliable and the diagnosis we received can cause such anomalies). What if my baby is rejected by this world? What if he will be bullied? What if … 

That was when God sent this book to my room and began teaching me.


Pumpkin Patch Blessings is written by Kim Washburn and illustrated by Jacqueline East. I love this book because each page has a corresponding Bible verse, gorgeous illustration, and precious fall-themed rhyme.

I cherish this book because it taught me that no matter our physical appearance, disability, or challenge we are just right.

The first time I read Pumpkin Patch Blessings I cried. My worried, weary-worn mama’s heart cried as I read the truest of words:

Some pumpkins are bumpy.

Some are bumpy, bruised, small, or tilted. And some babies are born differently-abled. Diagnosis’ abound, medical complexities exist, and anomalies are something many face.

But that doesn’t mean they’re not right. Every child, every person, is formed in the image of God. That includes your baby, dear mama, who may have a physical impairment. Your baby with Downs Syndrome or severe eczema or Hydrocephalus. That precious soul hasn’t been forgotten or made by mistake.

They were hand-crafted by a God Who cares beyond what we can even imagine.

He didn’t make a mistake … He just chose to make someone extra unique for His glory. Your baby isn’t forgotten — he’s just right. 

I know it’s silly that a child’s book could give me so much hope but it did. It was in that moment that I embraced my child for whoever they would be and however they would be born. So what if my child was born bumpy? We would deal with it. We would love, cherish, and support that little one as they dive into life and find their purpose.

Are you a mama of a kiddo with medical complexities? How have you dealt with the differences you notice? I love hearing from mama’s walking through the same journey! 🙂 I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

Love, blessings, and lots of coffee! 

Frannie