Becoming the Woman I Hate

          I absolutely love being in love. Being
twenty-three means I’ve had several years to dream of and prepare to be the
most perfect and brilliant and lovely of girlfriends/eventual wife. I mean, I
have read a ga-zillion books on courtship and marriage; I know exactly what I
am supposed to be doing.

there is a huge, dismal divide between knowing and doing.

few weeks ago, I had a chance to show Dalton what a prize I was. He was working
on his bike, aka amazing motorcycle, in a way which I thought was silly. It was very hot outside and our house was empty and cool; the
perfect time for him to sit down, relax, and wait for help. (Obviously I don’t know
that much about men.)  Instead, he
decided to do what Dalton does: solve the problem.

happened to call and instead of supporting his efforts, instead of being sweet,
instead of being a listening ear I became the woman I hate. “You are so stupid.”

Little. Words.

asked me what I had hoped to accomplish with that and then simply told me that
he would call later.

was a bad day.

so grateful Dalton is a man who forgives.

so thankful that there are new days.
         And I am grateful that God gives grace to overcome failures.

          What about you? Have any of you caught yourself
playing the role of the woman you hate? How did you overcome it? I’d love to
hear your thoughts!

One thought on “Becoming the Woman I Hate

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    Ah yes … I've been fighting against the woman I hate for many weeks now, and am still fighting against her – I never thought I'd be like her, but I have been, and it's horrible.

    My woman is a little different from the woman you hate. She's a bitter, ugly man-hater.

    Things keep happening that make me feel like being single makes me into a second-class citizen, and even though I know that's not true, it still hurts. But instead of turning that hurt over to the Lord and letting Him comfort me, I've been letting it make me bitter, doing a childish "Well, I didn't really want it anyway" thing that is ugly and hateful. I've been saying and thinking a lot of hurtful things toward my brothers in Christ that I don't really believe and would never say if I hadn't let bitterness creep in.

    I've been confessing these thoughts and trying to turn from them over the last few days, but it's hard because they've become a bit of a habit. I know that God will help me if I really want to change and let Him soften me again – but even that is hard. So I don't have a success story yet, just a hope story, but with God, that's just as good as success. 🙂

    Thank you so much for being honest and sharing your struggles, dear friend – I meant to say that I really enjoyed your last courtship post as well, too. It was super-practical and I'm bookmarking it for future reference! 🙂

    I've been praying for you and I'll keep at it!! Sorry about the novel-length comment!


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