Looking at your Husband with Confident Eyes

A wife confident in her husband is a blessing!

A few friends of mine have an excellent ability — they look at their husbands with confident, supportive eyes. Everyone in the room can tell she’s on his side, she’s got his back. Their confidence makes the woman more beautiful and the man more respected.

There isn’t anything truly remarkable about these men except that their uniquely themselves. One is a bit eccentric and brilliant, the other smart and savvy. But the confidence and enjoyment these women have beautifies and exemplifies these ordinary men.

Me? Not so much. Honestly, I like to stay in the background and nurse my quirky wallflower nature.

Then, I married an entertainer. It took me a looooooooooooong time to understand that entertaining was one of Dalton’s innate, God-given longings and purposes. He loves bringing laughter to people he feels close to; it energizes and gives purpose to his day.

By the time we married, I had some resemblances to a sour, prickly old maid you read about in classic literature. I have a sense of humor but it’s simple, childlike, and mischievous. The prickly side of my nature looks down and picks apart colorful, witty humor and shies away from anything that draws too much attention.

There are other gifts and talents I didn’t fully appreciate — his ability to lead, his love for weight lifting, his gift for making the hard choices and following thru, his fondness of spontaneous dancing and jumping into rivers, or his deep appreciation for abstract, theological discussion.

Do you know what a poo-poo attitude does to a person? It shrinks them. Holding back from joining in another person’s joy belittles and discourages them. Ultimately, it breaks down trust and friendship.

Not having confidence in your husband’s personality and nature builds barriers of distrust and walls of shame.

No one wants their personality, thought process, humor, or enjoyments belittled.

That’s why I choose to recognize that the differences in our personality as good. I choose to have confidence in the uniqueness of my man and encourage you to do the same. Let’s appreciate the handiwork and creativity of God by accepting and appreciating the natures of our men.

Let's have confidence and enjoyment in our husbands @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Romans 12 encourages us to love without hypocrisy (no eye rolls or shaking of the head) and to honor and have great affection for each other — this includes our men! How we respond to the personalities and interests of our hubby’s reflects the love of Christ. It’s that important.

If there are areas in your husbands personality or nature that are not all they could be, pray for your man. Communicate your thoughts and talk over what you are seeing. My hubby always says he needs to know what I’m thinking, even if he disagrees, so that he make the best decisions possible.

But, for a lot of our husbands, having confidence in who they are will be a life-spring and freedom badly needed and highly rewarded.

Tell me — what aspect of your partner’s nature do you find different from your own and how do you respond to that? I’d love to hear from you!

Cheers to happier husbands and happier marriages!

Frannie

My New Years Resolution for Our Marriage

2019 is the year for a thriving marriage! The past two years have pretty much revolved around our darling little and that’s okay! Between my misdiagnosed miscarriage, constant bleeding, PPROM, bed rest, 7 months in the NICU (while living apart), and then transitioning to motherhood and caregiver responsibilities — life has been crazy! 

And while Dalton and I love each other more than ever I am aiming to make 2019 a year of re-establishing our marriage as #1 priority. 

In effort to grow in our marriage, I am focusing on changing one thing and I think it’s going to be an awesome, life-giving habit! 

I’m choosing to support and complement Dalton’s personality and calling rather than compete against it. 

What’s that look like? Well …

  • Choosing to believe in, pray for, and support, in actions, Dalton’s vision for our family. 
  • Letting go of my expectations and enjoy who Dalton is and what he brings to the world. 
  • Diffusing conflict by receiving Dalton’s reactions graciously (I’ll post more on this later this month).
  • Building trust by being reliable, responsible health wise, and more upfront on issues brewing in my heart. 

When I mean complement I’m not talking about using kind words or flattery (that’s compliment); I’m referring to the dictionary’s definition:

a thing that completes or brings to perfection.

I have a nasty habit of second guessing Dalton and competing against his decisions and vision.

My “needing to win” attitude has caused a lot of unnecessary conflict, hurt feelings, and defensive attitudes. (I love the short article Jeff Bethke wrote about how the need to win will kill any relationship)

Thankfully, I have a loving God Who forgives and changes old thought patterns and sinful attitudes and a patient husband who loves graciously. <3 

This year, instead of fighting against D’s nature, personality, or vision to support them.

What are some of your 2019 goals? Have you chosen a list of resolutions or one word? Leave me a comment below or stop by Instagram. I love to hear from you! 

Love and blessings, 

Frannie

Pregnancy Update: Bragging on my Husband

I love him! @ AuthenticVirtue.com

I want to brag on my Beloved for a little bit.

It’s our 3rd full day at the hospital and I’ve got to say that I couldn’t have made this journey without Dalton. He is such a comfort to my heart. During the shots, IV placements, and worries he holds my hand and gives me space — because he knows that’s how I handle pain.

He doesn’t complain about his “new bed,” the green couch he’s named Laurence. Every night he wheels it close to my bed and we snuggle the best we can with the height difference and IV in the way.

When he isn’t working he walks down to the cafeteria and buys himself something to eat at mealtimes. My meals are included in our stay but he gets to pay which means he doesn’t spend much on himself — he’s already told me he misses my big meals! 😉 But he never complains and normally I have way more than needed so we share meals together which makes life feel more normal.

When I get nervous about all the unknowns Dalton notices and asks me about my feelings. This is when we pray together and I let go of my worries and then he reminds me of all the good that has been happening and where we are at — the safest place for Uriah to be at the moment.

Daily, Dalton tidies our room, fluffs my pillows and sheets, fills up my water bottle, and brings me coffee when I need a pick me up. While I busy myself with my laptop and lists he quietly makes himself at home watching videos on his iPad.

I’ve made lists of things I’d like him to bring back to me from our home and he’s so cheerful about helping me! Things like “water the mums” and “check the mail” aren’t too small for him; he knows how much my mums and mail mean to me! 😉 Plus, the first day he was home alone I called and caught him washing the dishes we left in the sink. He is such a gem!

Today was Dalton’s first day back to work and, boy, do I miss that man! His smile, humor, and encouragement are so important to me. I can’t wait till he gets back so we can snuggle, laugh, and talk.

I am SO thankful for Dalton Duncan falling in love with me, pursuing me, and marrying me. Being his wife has been one of my life’s greatest privileges.

What do you LOVE about your husband? How has your husband loved you like Christ loves the Church? I would love to hear your story in the comments below! 

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

Respect and Acceptance: the gift all wives must give

Join me as I talk about marriage and the two gifts every wife needs to give her husband @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Respect him, accept him as he is. 

It shouldn’t have been a light bulb moment but this single thought opened a whole new idea of marriage to me. My darling man and I have been married long enough for us to see neither of us are perfect; yet, here I was learning a new lesson of loving him more perfectly.

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Four Ways I Plan to Bless My Husband this Summer

Blessing Your Husband @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Summer is here; you can tell by the beautiful, thick, green trees, colorful wildflowers and warm, Missouri heat filling the land. And this summer F. Scott Fitzgerald’s words have never been so true.

 “And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”

This will be our last summer just Dalton and I. Next May we hope to have a lovely five month-old Duncan cooing and crying and in need of attention and diaper changes.

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