Pregnancy Update: Bragging on my Husband

I love him! @ AuthenticVirtue.com

I want to brag on my Beloved for a little bit.

It’s our 3rd full day at the hospital and I’ve got to say that I couldn’t have made this journey without Dalton. He is such a comfort to my heart. During the shots, IV placements, and worries he holds my hand and gives me space — because he knows that’s how I handle pain.

He doesn’t complain about his “new bed,” the green couch he’s named Laurence. Every night he wheels it close to my bed and we snuggle the best we can with the height difference and IV in the way.

When he isn’t working he walks down to the cafeteria and buys himself something to eat at mealtimes. My meals are included in our stay but he gets to pay which means he doesn’t spend much on himself — he’s already told me he misses my big meals! 😉 But he never complains and normally I have way more than needed so we share meals together which makes life feel more normal.

When I get nervous about all the unknowns Dalton notices and asks me about my feelings. This is when we pray together and I let go of my worries and then he reminds me of all the good that has been happening and where we are at — the safest place for Uriah to be at the moment.

Daily, Dalton tidies our room, fluffs my pillows and sheets, fills up my water bottle, and brings me coffee when I need a pick me up. While I busy myself with my laptop and lists he quietly makes himself at home watching videos on his iPad.

I’ve made lists of things I’d like him to bring back to me from our home and he’s so cheerful about helping me! Things like “water the mums” and “check the mail” aren’t too small for him; he knows how much my mums and mail mean to me! 😉 Plus, the first day he was home alone I called and caught him washing the dishes we left in the sink. He is such a gem!

Today was Dalton’s first day back to work and, boy, do I miss that man! His smile, humor, and encouragement are so important to me. I can’t wait till he gets back so we can snuggle, laugh, and talk.

I am SO thankful for Dalton Duncan falling in love with me, pursuing me, and marrying me. Being his wife has been one of my life’s greatest privileges.

What do you LOVE about your husband? How has your husband loved you like Christ loves the Church? I would love to hear your story in the comments below! 

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

Respect and Acceptance: the gift all wives must give

Join me as I talk about marriage and the two gifts every wife needs to give her husband @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Respect him, accept him as he is. 

It shouldn’t have been a light bulb moment but this single thought opened a whole new idea of marriage to me. My darling man and I have been married long enough for us to see neither of us are perfect; yet, here I was learning a new lesson of loving him more perfectly.

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Four Ways I Plan to Bless My Husband this Summer

Blessing Your Husband @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Summer is here; you can tell by the beautiful, thick, green trees, colorful wildflowers and warm, Missouri heat filling the land. And this summer F. Scott Fitzgerald’s words have never been so true.

 “And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”

This will be our last summer just Dalton and I. Next May we hope to have a lovely five month-old Duncan cooing and crying and in need of attention and diaper changes.

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Celebrating Baby Duncan

Celebrating at AuthenticVirtue.com

 “O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” Psalms 34:8

It’s true, sweet friends! Dalton and I are expecting our very own little one around December 28th. There’s so much I want to say but mostly we want to point toward our Abba Daddy, Who gives so many good gifts, and thank Him. We’re excited, in rapture, and full of joy. Two years of waiting has had its ups and downs but we know God does everything for a reason and I’m looking forward to celebrating this journey and enjoying it fully.

I hesitated sharing our news so early (I’m almost 7 weeks along) but this is something we have waited two years for and believe our little baby, however young and vulnerable, is worthy of great celebrations and massive amounts of confetti throwing! 🙂

(Can you tell we are over-the-moon excited?)

Be prepared for monthly baby-bump updates (I’ve always wanted to do those) 🙂 and new blog posts documenting my journey toward motherhood and all the lessons God will send me.

With love, blessings, (and a little less) coffee,

Frannie

Your Marriage is Meant to Endure Conflict

Your marriage is meant to endure conflict! Learn how with AuthenticVirtue.com

Honesty time.

Sometimes, even in the happiest, God-centered marriages, your going to be angry. You’re going to be angry with your unmet expectations, forgotten trash, or cancelled plans.

Sometimes the cause is legitimate while other times it’s your own personal issue causing the angry, emotional torrents to come bubbling out. Then, there are the days when it’s not a his or her problem as much as it’s a hormonal problem or lack of sleep problem.

This is real life, ya’ll.

So, what do you do when you’re tempted to be angry? How do you adjust to the fact that your adorable, wonderful marriage may have grumpy days?

Realize bad days do not equal a bad marriage

Ugh. I cannot count the times I’ve felt like a failure because we had grumpy days. As Dalton’s bride, I took full responsibility for the constant, 100% never blue, happy days I wanted our marriage to be full of.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when I fell to pieces the first time a bad day came around. I had placed an unrealistic expectation on both D and I.

Friend, grumpy days happen and they do not signify the apocalypse-ing end of your marriage. Grumpy days test you and your spouse’s humanness. It signifies that you’re both sinners in need of grace, God’s amazing gift of holiness and forgiveness.

So don’t freak out. Instead …

Assess the situation

What’s going on? What has turned your Knight in Shining Armor into something less than shining? Why are you acting like a shrew instead of the beautiful bride that you are? Are you tired? Hormonal? Is hubby carrying a stressful workload? Are bills piling up? Is there an family or in-law issue causing tension?

Assess the situation; most of the time grumpy days have root issues which go deeper then the current problem. In other words, it isn’t always about the cheese.

Take time to discover what’s causing the tension in your home instead of jumping to hasty conclusions. Then …

Communicate

I recently heard a radio speaker suggest couples keep an index card in the freezer saying, “I’m angry with you and want to talk about it but I won’t attack you. Is now a good time?” He suggested the angry spouse pull the card out of the freezer and hand it to the offending party whenever an issue required resolving or a communication stalemate has occurred.

I love this idea because I’ve found that communication is key. When grumpy days come it’s easy to let our inner Ice Queens take over — we’re hurt but we’re waiting for our spouse to breach the divide. Hours pass in uneasy tension as emotions foster anger, assumptions and bitterness. D likes to say, “Talk it out otherwise you’ll assume the worst.”

He’s right. Talk it out. Hand your spouse the ice cold index card assuring him that you won’t attack but want to get to the root issue of the problem.

Realize James 1:20

Confession: Anger is one of my big sins. For years I labored at maintaining my cool cucumber appearance only sharing my deep, angry thoughts and disappointments with family who knew and understood me. For years I allowed myself to not call sin sin.

I met Dalton and the façade pressed on (because, well, I wanted him to think I ways always sweet, wonderful and perfect … who wouldn’t?) 😉 It wasn’t till after we married and he mentioned that he didn’t like the burlap banners I tacked above every window and bare space our smallish home possessed. (Think up to 6-8 hot-glued tool, burlap banners — haha.)

He left for work and I threw myself on our bed. I was so mad. So angry in fact that my thoughts startled me. They were vengeful and malicious.

I’ve since made James 1:20 my key, go-to verse when I sense emotions getting the better of me. Because, truth be told, my anger will never work God’s righteousness in my life — only sin. It doesn’t matter how justified I feel, how badly I’ve been offended or how deserving of punishment the offender is. Our anger will not work one once of righteousness in our lives.

Forgive and Bless

Ultimately, I’m responsible for myself and my emotions. Grumpy days will happen and when we assess the situation (figure out what’s really going on), communicate (but not attack), and recognize that wrath will only hinder God’s work in our life then it’s time to move on. It’s time to forgive and bless. 

The beautiful thing about forgiving our spouses when they act grumpy or hurt us is that it’s life-giving to both parties. When Dalton forgives me for being an emotional ball of negative energy and chooses to bless me he is not only breathing life into my life but his.

So, do the next thing. Forgive and bless. I once heard the advice of baking your husband’s favorite cookies when you’re struggling with negative emotions toward him. It’s good for us to give up on steaming and steeping over our spouses faults and move toward finding ways of encouraging and brightening their day.

It’s good for them and it’s really good for you.

This is from experience because I’ve been there. I’ve been angry and have wrought havoc because I refused to handle the issue correctly. Let’s grow in grace by being women and men of God who handle the grumpy days properly. Knowing that arguments do not equal divorce, assessing the situation, communicating and forgiving will bring joy to your lives.

I know because I’ve learned the hard way. Marriage is meant to endure conflict. Learn how.

Free Printable @ 800x800 px with AuthenticVirtue.com

Need a little inspiration when days get tough? Feel free to download and print this 8×10 inch freebie printable. I love this quote by Fawn Weaver. Click here for the link and enjoy.

How do you handle grumpy days in your marriage? Did the arguments surprise and/or scare you? What are your strengths in dealing with conflict? Your weakness? Let’s grow in grace and community — this is a safe place to share!

Love, blessings and coffee!

Frannie