Compatibility Isn’t What Makes Marriage Work

Hello, sweet people!

It’s been a glorious weekend here at the Duncan home. Currently, I’m snuggled in, snow coating the world outside my door, coffee in hand and quiet music in the background. I’m at rest, for many reasons, but for one in specific.

I’m learning what real love is … and it’s beautiful.

There are many misconceptions about love and how best to make relationships work. One of the most deceiving and killing is the lie that compatibility is necessary for a thriving, successful love. Sadly, many friends, lovers and even church family separate when they feel a drift in their compatibility from one another.

Friends, this is wrong.

What Makes Marriage Work

When we base our vows on the typical definition of compatibility  we head down a road of disappointment. Marriages are not meant to be built on how well you compliment your spouse and how well your personalities work together.

Nothing in life is meant to be built on this.

Spouses can be annoying. The traits and personality quirks you initially found cute can turn into annoyances. We’re meant to rub each other raw … that’s one way God works our character.

Instead of basing a relationships value on how well you work together examine your ability to suffer together.

[pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”]The original, Latin root for compatibility is compati which means to suffer with[/pullquote]

Suddenly, being compatible isn’t as fun as before.

Sweet friend, how well do you suffer with your friends, spouse and church family? How well do you show them genuine, authentic love?

Young lovers, please don’t base your relationships on how well you compliment your significant other without asking yourself the simple question: am I willing to suffer with them? Will you suffer with them when finances get tight? Will you suffer with them when they lose all respect, when they lose all health, when they lose a job?

Make Marriage Work

Honestly, this has been an interesting and new concept for me. I knew that Dalton and I’s relationship needed to be built on an enduring, committed love … but the idea of suffering with? Well, #tbh, that threw me off.

To avoid being overwhelmed, I’m taking this new challenge one practical step at a time. For now, suffering with Dalton means being able to give him a good back massage when his body aches and cheerfully keeping to our budget.

We may hit iceberg sized difficulties in the future but for now we’ve been given small opportunities to grow deeper in love.

What do you think? How have you grown in your ability to suffer with your friends, spouse or church family? Or is this an area needing strengthening? Share your heart … and let’s grow in grace together!

With love, blessings and coffee,


3 thoughts on “Compatibility Isn’t What Makes Marriage Work

  1. Wow, this is so very true, and something I needed to be reminded of! You are such a blessing! Love you!! 😊❤️

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