I bet you didn’t see that coming, did you?
But I type the truth. I have an anger problem.
And to tell the truth, it’s humbling. Beneath this combed, primed and sweet complexion is a woman who still needs to grow; a woman who yearns for authenticity; a woman whose blood boils when she doesn’t get her way and whose frustrations rise when she loses an argument or is criticized.
For as long as I can remember I have struggled with anger; not the fist throwing, wall punching, bad-word saying anger. But the quiet, teary-eyed, throat burning, heart thumping anger that is still as much a sin as the first.
And, for the first time in my life, I want to face it. I want to call sin sin and then I want to call upon my Savior Who died for the fits of temper and wrath which can fill my heart. I want to grow.
I’ve surprised you, haven’t I?
It’s okay; I don’t doubt it.
You see, my whole life I have learned to push away my feelings, my anger, my hurt, my wishes so that others might only see what I wanted them to see. In 5th grade it was a matter of hiding my hurt when I wasn’t chosen for the team or group project; at 25 it’s a matter of hiding my feelings when my husband asks me how I am or a friend disagrees with my opinion. You’d never know that there was more to my cool-as-a-cucumber outlook … until I blow-up in a angry torrent of temper and attack. (I save that for my poor husband and family … those special few who know me enough to look beneath the constant sweetness.)
There’s a lot I want to write on and even more I want to mature in; I want to be real, authentic. Most of all, I want to be full of virtue, character — to have a heart that reflects our Father God’s.
And the first step was acknowledging that I didn’t have it all together; that I, Frannie Anne Duncan, have an anger problem.
Thankfully, God’s Word has a lot to say about this.