Good morning, sweet people! Mmm! It’s a cold, early morning in our mid Missouri home and the perfect time to pull over a blanket, turn on a light and prepare coffee — join me for a cup, won’t you?
This Friday I am humbled. It’s been a long, rough week full of error on my part, hurt feelings, worry, disappointment, conviction and anger.
I’m not really sure why it’s been such a hard week for me; maybe it’s because I’m still (still!) not adjusted to my new schedule or because I’ve been on the go for the last two weeks and I’m running out of steam? Maybe I’ve been a grump because I’ve begun a sugar-fast until Thanksgiving and my poor, dessert loving soul is wilting and taking it’s
anger cravings out on the world? I know I allowed past insecurities (which I thought I had dealt with) bubble to the top and effect my relationship with my husband and coworkers which resulted in some negative, jealous thoughts I failed to combat.
Agh, I’ve needed a lot of grace this week.
I’ve also refused a lot of grace this week.
It hurts to admit that I struggle balancing homemaking responsibilities with ten measly hours of work outside the home. It frustrates me to watch my (sweet, adorable, gentle) husband (happily!) put on dirty work pants because I forgot to wash them. It hurts to think that I haven’t published a scheduled, timely blog post in a while. It stings when I leave the library defeated feeling irate with student’s questions and energy and leaving books unorganized and stuffed in the return box. It makes me feel like a most unproductive worm when I fail to be able to cope with my few (wonderful) responsibilities.
It hurts to know that I let such simple issues defeat me and turn me from a grateful, loving heart.
But it’s okay.
It’s okay with my being weak because this is exactly when Christ will reveal Himself. When I cannot be both equally productive and equally good Christ reveals my need and His power. It’s okay that I really, really stink at giving up sugar and that I get jealous and sensitive sometimes — these are the exact reasons I need a Savior to continue the good work He began in me long ago.
I need my Jesus and, to be honest, I cannot go on without him.
I cannot do all for His glory without His wonderful grace. I cannot accept my shortcomings without His gentleness. I cannot grow without His faithful conviction and enduring love.
I cannot. But He can.
With so much love, blessings and coffee,