How I Didn’t Know He Was the One Until I Decided He Was

Recently, I read Bailey’s newest article out loud to my hubby.

It was one of those “a-hah!” articles we both got a kick from because it described our dating days to a “t.”

I’ve never really known how to write about the early days of our relationship because, quite frankly, they didn’t fit the traditional mold I (and all my friends) had been expecting. And for me, a people-pleasing, suggestible, rule-following young woman, it was a very turbulent time.

Thankfully, the very best traits of my husband came out during our courtship, namely, his upmost desire for  God’s will and his faithfulness as he chose to stand by me despite my wavering opinions, fear of man and the stress I created when I analyzed our relationship every other week.

Now, a year and three months later, I sit in our cozy home confidant we are in God’s will. The growth I have seen in our individual and united lives has been beautiful and the sense of purpose and peace within our marriage breathtaking.

So, how did I know he was the one?

I decided.

Yes, I did follow guidelines which revealed the open doors for our relationship. My parent’s approval and insight were invaluable and Dalton’s character and love for God evident in his daily life. We shared common beliefs and our goals were very similar. Along with all that technical stuff was the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed being with this man. He made me laugh, encouraged me and revealed glimpses of a heart sold out for God.

But in the end, even after seeing all the open doors God held open, I had to decide that he was the one.

And as logical, cold, unromantic and harsh as that sounds it’s the truth.

Love, for me, required trusting in God and the man I had chosen to pursue. It meant looking more at our future than the possibility of an end. It asked me to put down the courtship manuals and rule books (which I still admire) and pick up God’s Word instead. I had to stop looking for man’s praise and enjoy the beauty of love instead.

Now, as a joy-filled, loved and incredibly happy wife I’d encourage any couple to take the route we did. Choose to love the person God is leading you to and rejoice in it. Set aside comparisons, worry and anything which leads more to doubt than resolution.

Because at some point every marriage will come to a place where it must rely on a choice.

So why not build a solid foundation in the beginning?

With much love to you,

Frannie

11 thoughts on “How I Didn’t Know He Was the One Until I Decided He Was

  1. Frannie, I was much worse than you! My husband will agree! And it came down to what you said exactly, God could make a way but the choice was mine. For a girl who has really struggled with decision making this was huge… and strangely freeing. I chose yes!!!

    1. Oh, Kristin!! This has me laughing inside … how could you be worse than me? That is definitely a story I want to ask you and John next time we visit!! 😀

      And I agree, there is a beautiful sense of freedom which comes from our choosing to walk through the open door of love God has opened.

      I’m so glad you chose yes!

      Lots of love to you!

  2. Girl this is so point! good thoughts! our poor husbands that have to deal with all the stuff we wade through due to the “ideals” or “principles” of others beyond those that are necessary. 🙂

    1. Oh, our poor husbands indeed! 😉 I guess God is just perfecting them via our weird ways. It definitely has made me more thankful for my husband — knowing that he has seen me frazzled, worried and gazing around for approval and still he adores me. That is a blessing!

      I’m so happy you have a great, solid man too!

      Love to you!

  3. Frannie –

    This is so very wise. No marriage will survive without the choice to stay together, to stay faithful, to simply stay. What wonderful advice to young women in courting relationships – to prepare themselves for that reality. It mirrors God’s love, as He chose to fully commit to us even as we were sinners with our faces turned in the other direction. So we are committed to our spouses, even in the moments where love is purely a choice.

    1. Hello, Mrs. Haglin!

      I love how you correlated the my choice and the choice of our Lord loving us. It is so true! I’ve found that a love and relationship founded on choice is beautiful and steady. A real gift!

      I appreciate you!

  4. Well, this people-pleasing girl is happy to feel peer pressured by your advice…..because that’s literally how I’m operating. “How do you think he’s the one, Bailey?” girls ask me. And I mumble a more dignified version of, “Because I decided he was.”

    I’m glad I’m not the only one. 😛

    1. Oh, Bailey! I do understand!

      At some point we just have to stop looking around for support (or disapproving glances) and trust the leading of the Lord and our own great men!

      And you are not alone … I think there are far more women out there like us. They’re just waiting to know if it’s safe to share their story! 😀

      Blessings to you!

  5. Excellent thoughts, Frannie. This is definitely something I’ll be pondering. There’s so much to learn. But most of all there is such joy in trusting Him while He teaches you. 🙂

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