How to Love Your Husband or A Tutorial from a Fifty-three Day Long Marriage and Counting

Hello, sweet, sweet friends!

Ah, I have missed you! I hope
this finds you all well and rejoicing in the love and incredible mercy of our
Lord! I am doing very well – lots of joy and delight in our little area.
Currently, we are preparing for D’s days off. We’ve loaded our pantry with
goodies like apples, chicken quarters, and chocolate chips, rented “The Lord of
the Ring” for movie night, and have fun plans which certainly include walks
downtown and mornings slept in.

What is married life truly like
at *almost* two months?

You really want to know?

It is delightful.

I am so enjoying marriage. I
love waking up next to my best friend. I adore greeting him when he comes home
from work. I enjoy hearing his plans and dreams. I appreciate his hand
holding mine as we listen to the Sunday morning sermon. It is truly
beautiful.

Along with the happy, genuine
joys of marriage there are the difficult moments too. I hope I always
reflect both sides of marriage while blogging—a balanced approach to life as I (silly, little Frannie) sees it.
Which brings me to the question,

            “How can I always love my husband?”

I’m sure many of you sweet
dears find that a frivolous, ridiculous question. “Are you kidding me,
Frannie?! Pshh … what kind of question is that? Obviously, someone is
ungrateful!” (I can relate because I use to think the same thing! 😉

But I am serious. How can we always
love our husbands?

Well, I have *good news* for
you … I’m still unsure. 😉 Truly, there are those days when loving your husband
(or any human being) is the last thing you want to do. You may have a cold and
wish he would stop asking you what you plan to place before his hungry mouth.
Perhaps, he made a joke at the expense of your (dear, heavenly, perfect) mother
or maybe he insists on re-arranging your
*ahem* pantry. Whatever the case may be, loving your husband fully, purposefully,
and continuously is a task which can seem impossible to fulfill. So, how can we
love these dear men in our lives? I have a few ideas which I’ve noticed and am
constantly trying to remember.

1. Love him purposefully

            Silly, right? No, it isn’t, actually. Loving people
requires focus, intention, and purpose. It is a choice. Choose to love that
hard working (or maybe not so hardworking) man of yours. Love him on purpose.
Love him whether or not he helps around the house or whether or not he picks
the most holiest of movies to watch. Love him when he’s weak. Love him when he’s
strong. Love him daily, on purpose, and not because he is perfect but because
he’s yours, he’s a handiwork of God’s, and he needs it … just like you.

2. Practice kindness

            This idea came to me while I was putting away dishes and
meditating on Romans 12:1. When we “present [our]selves a living sacrifice,
holy, acceptable unto God” we give Him our best. Our best attitudes, our best
works, our best selves. Why not try giving our best to our husbands? Why not
practice kindness?

            In order to see if this really worked, I purposed to really
love Dalton for the next week. I mean, I was going to put my best foot
forward–just like I had when we started dating. I purposed to be the sweetest,
kindest, gentlest gal he knew and so each day I chose (remember point one?) to
practice being kind. I spoke extra kindly, listened extra hard, and loved more
earnestly. And guess what happened? My already kind, dear, gentle husband
became even more kind, dear, and gentle. He responded to my rush of kindness
with kindness. It works. It really does.

3. Hear his heart

            I can be a sensitive person. I rarely catch sarcasm
and tend to take offense when the most harmless of jokes (I’m sorry I’m such a baby!) is aimed at me or my loved ones.
In contrast, Dalton is a teaser–something I have always appreciated about him.
But things get ugly when I miss the joke—and more often than not, get offended. Once that happens I
pick a fight. High pitched, barbed questions fly out of my tempered mouth, “What
do you mean I’m not nice to your mother?!” or “I do not spend too much money—have you seen my raggedy shoe collection!?”
Typically, Dalton just shakes his head and remarks on how feisty I am and wonders
why I can’t take a joke. And I sit there, arms crossed, ready to battle the man
I vowed my life to.

 Sweet ones, learn from my mistakes. Hear
your husband’s heart
. If he is anything like my beloved, he never purposefully
speaks unkind words or jokes. So before you jump the gun and drag the poor soul
to the execution take a breath. Ask him what he meant. Or maybe just
laugh a little
; you’ll see soon enough whether or not your breath really smells like canned dog food.

4. Practice being vulnerable

            Alright, I’m going to dive into a subject many of my
fellow conservative, Christian beings will find awkward—but hey, I like
swimming in the deep. 😉

            Ladies, you can love your husband by practicing
vulnerability. I know we all have areas on our bodies we personally find distasteful.
I tend to think I look far more attractive with a cute sundress on than without
but my husband thinks differently. (Ew, gross … actually, no, no it isn’t). Practice being vulnerable; and boy, does it take
practice.

God
made men to be (typically) visual creatures (a.k.a they want to see ya naked!
😉 It is a sacrifice … our pride, our self-image, and our confidence is on the
line. We tremble thinking, “What if he doesn’t like what he sees? I sure don’t!”
So in our fear (which isn’t of God by the way) we cover up. We hide ourselves.
We jump under the covers quickly and refuse to let his eyes see the treasure he
married. And indirectly, we tell our husbands that they aren’t worth taking risks
for; our refusals proclaim a lack of trust. And that isn’t loving.

So
sweet ones, practice love by trusting in your man. Practice love by taking
risks. And for heaven’s sake, practice love by taking it off! 😉

Whew! There they are–four tips on
how to really love your husband. Remember, love is a choice so purpose to love
him daily. Practice kindness—it works! Listen to his heart instead of jumping
at his throat. And finally, practice the beautiful trait of vulnerability. Of
course, I have a lot to learn on the subject of marriage. But I have found that
practicing these four points goes far in the harmonious, successful marriage
department. I would love to hear your input, encouragement and insight – what
are some of the ways you love other people? Do tell!

            With lots and lots of love and blessings,

                        Frannie

3 thoughts on “How to Love Your Husband or A Tutorial from a Fifty-three Day Long Marriage and Counting

  1. Well said Frannie!
    Loving is not always the easy way, and yes, effort does come into it, but it sounds to me as if you've got it together.
    Now that my husband is frail (80) loving takes on a different mode, as I am also his carer. But for me caring equates with love and anything I do for him is from that love.
    Make the most of all you have while you are young and healthy.

  2. Hi! I recently started following your blog, and wanted to let you know that what you write has been a blessing to me. You have a such a sweet spirit!
    This post was great! I've been married for just over a year, and as much as I love my husband, showing him true sacrificial love is something I struggle with at times. You almost completely described me when talking about how sometimes you don't catch a joke, and get offended. That's something I have to work on daily. I either let it go, or we talk about it, and he shows true love by not joking about that matter again if it truly bothers me 😛 Thanks for your insight! 😀
    Have a wonderfully blessed day!
    Angel

  3. Dear Mrs. Elizabeth, Oh, how I appreciate your sharing! I honor and bless you for your gentle, loving spirit. How precious your husband must find you!!

    Dear Angel,
    Hello and welcome!! I'm so glad you stopped by and left a comment. I so appreciate getting input from newly married ladies–it can be such an encouragement to know I'm not the only one who is learning some of these lessons. I am so happy you and your hubby share and communicate–that is so special and I'm sure the very best!

    Love and blessings!
    Frannie

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