There’s a lot of feelings that happen when your life is turned upside down. For me, I’ve definitely become more acquainted with fear, anxiety, and anger from being in the NICU. There’s just something about not being in control of your child’s well-being that knocks the saint right out of you.
And guess what, that’s exactly what I needed.
Far too often I think that I’ve got Christianity down (as if a relationship with Christ is something you can perfect). I get high-minded, proud, and self-righteous. It’s easy to think you’ve got it all together when things are going well.
But I’m not in that place anymore. I’m no longer put together. I feel things that I probably shouldn’t feel — anger when my baby is struggling and a nurse doesn’t come running or hopeless anguish when he struggles to breathe and no one has answers.
I’m learning that being brave and doing what’s right comes down to the basics … am I loving? Am I kind?
It’s the easy, cowardly thing to held a grudge at a nurse. It feels good to be angry with hospital staff when they can’t give the answers I want. It feeds my flesh and old man to be cold and irritable just because I feel like it.
Being brave and loving isn’t easy because it isn’t natural. That’s why I’m not put together. I need Jesus to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me. I need Him to give me emanating peace when all I feel is chaos. I need Him to fill me with love when all I feel is irritation.
I get overwhelmed when I think about all my feelings and how terribly I handle them. But thankfully, I have a Savior Who understands and forgives; who redeems and heals.
Have you noticed that stress can knock the saint out of you? How do you handled this? Is there anything I can be praying for for you? Share below — I love to hear from readers!
Love, blessings, and coffee,