Losing Baby Duncan

You’re never really prepared for your pregnancy to end in miscarriage.

But that’s just what’s happened to our little baby. I haven’t really known how to share this with the my friends and readers (who are like family). As a blogger, I like to wrap my writings similar to Christmas presents: darling presentation full of glittery, exciting beauty.

But this is the furthest thing from exciting.

We went in for our 8 week ultrasound; the midwife and I chatted about her flower garden and about blogs and writing as she jellied up my stomach and began probing around with her expert hand. Almost immediately she saw that things were missing and not growing properly.

Folks, this is the hard stuff.

It’s been several days since we heard this news and adjusting to not expecting our baby this year is hard. It’s really, really, really hard.

But you know what?

God is so very, very good.

It’s been a hard week but God is the same God Who created Baby and then took him home. Jesus is the same Intercessor Who understands my numb experience like no one else. My Abba Daddy knows what it is like to lose someone precious to you. He’s carrying me like a mother lamb — even though, technically, I’m not caring for a young one any more.

I believe that God is great. And in the midst of this sadness and loss He is still great. He still knits people together and He still welcomes little one’s who never met their parents into his arms and kingdom.

I believe God is good so I believe, amidst all my sadness, doubts, fear and sorrow that this miscarriage is good. It is good because God promises all things to work together for our good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Here are some good things God has already wrought from our loss:

The first face our baby saw was the Lord’s. 

Increased understanding and relationship between Dalton and I 

An overwhelming amount of prayer and support from friends and family

Friends who have miscarried are seeing the Lord work through their loss 

Our compassion and understanding for women with loss is growing

My understanding of what good sympathy is and isn’t is changing

We now know that we can indeed get pregnant

My appreciation for Dalton is growing and growing (because he’s simply the best and the loss of his first child is proving that — he is honestly the strongest, best man and he gets more gem like every day. How blessed am I?)

Our baby is with the Lord — that means he or she is walking, talking and rejoicing in the presence of the best One Who ever lived. He or she is already far more sanctified, glorified, and purified than Dalton and I. He or she is already conversing with people like Moses, John the Baptist, and Corrie ten Boom. He’s singing with angels. He’s enjoying everlasting life and praising God for His great goodness. 

We haven’t lost anything — we just have to wait longer to meet him.

Don’t think I’m not hurting. It’s just that I’m called to rejoice in all things — even in the midst of intense grief — and I guess this is what it looks like.

Thank you to all the people who loved our baby with us. Carrying Ollie for 7 weeks (short for Oliver or Olivia) was one of the greatest privileges I have known. I’m glad God let the last week be filled with joy and maternity shopping and hope instead of the fear I had been experiencing. I’m glad for the people who are loving us and blessing us through the aftermath.

I’m sad. But I’m also glad because God is good and He has given us good things … even in our loss. It took me a while to feel at peace with sharing this intimate part of us — but I’ve had a quiet day full of tears and rest and simple, household chores and God has sent a tremendous freedom in sharing what is hurting most.

For others who are needing healing read my friend Angel’s words. They’re just right for someone needing to heal in the loss and gain life’s sufferings bring.

But the God of all grace, who hath called us to eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. To Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:10,11

Love, blessings, and coffee,


11 thoughts on “
Losing Baby Duncan

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    I am so sorry, Frannie. It rained all day the day I lost my Alaina, and my heart longs for her still today. You became a mom 7 weeks ago – and always will be. May God seem close as the waves of grief crash in, and may they be spaced out a little more with each passing day.

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    Frannie, YOU have such a beautiful soul. Most would be angry, but you see the blessing, therefore you receive the blessing. Those who do not see the blessing do not receive it and the hurt becomes anger at our Father. Thank you for these wonderful words of understanding and may they be a blessing to others who have or are suffering a like loss. Thank you for the person you are.

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    Frannie your beautiful faith, hope, and spirit are humbling to me and I feel so honored to have you in my life. You truly speak to my heart and I know that through your pain you are healing many other women’s pain who have been through the same thing, including me. Your words about your baby in heaven, and the good you’ve found in this experience have truly touched my heart. Love to you my friend.

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    To my first born child…..I am soo sorry and yet rejoicing in the fact that you pointed out…..that the first face little Ollie saw was his or her Heavenly Father’s face!!!! I imagine a blonde curly haired bouncing little ball of good-natured innocent happiness!!! So precious. Me and daddy planted a rose bush for little Ollie this morning and we’ll call it the Ollie Bush! We shall never forget the sweetness of knowing our firstborn was with child and the excitement that was in your’s and Dalton’s voices and hearts!! God is good — all the time, even in our sadness!!! I love you and appreciate you!!

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    O, dear Frannie . . . I am so very sorry. (((hugs))) My heart just ached for you as I read this post . . . yet it warmed and was so touched, too, to see your strong and unwavering faith in God and the good that you are seeing even in this heartache. It is beautiful to see!

    I am thanking God for the special time you did have with your precious little one – who is now safe in the arms of our Savior – and thanking God for your faith, the great encouragement and blessing I know you are to many (myself included) through this very hard time you are walking through and by what you shared here, and how He is upholding and strengthening you. He is always so faithful! Even in the valleys.

    May our “God of all comfort” comfort your hearts and may you feel His loving arms surrounding you. What a great comfort it is in simply knowing that He is always so near to us! And He is especially “near to the brokenhearted.”

    I know that healing after a loss has ups and downs, and I will continue to be praying for you and Dalton. (As is our church family.) Keep clinging to our Savior and resting on His sure promises, and He will indeed lovingly carry you through! And as you shared here, what joy there is in knowing that someday you will see your precious child in heaven!!

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    Frannie, I don’t know you, but your momma has become VERY special to me…..I clean the offices at her work……I lost my wonderful husband of almost 23 years on November 29….. The hardest walk I’ve ever taken. My heart hurts for you and yours! I am so sorry.

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    Oh Frannie, I wish I could be there with you … I wish I could hug you, and bring some sweet things to share, and care for you and Dalton in whatever way you were needing today. But even though I can’t, I know that the Holy Spirit can bring a bit of my love to you and let you know that I am hurting with you and praying for you – praying that His deep love and gentle care would surround you and wrap you up even on the dark days, when you struggle to find strength to rejoice. That even then, He would lift your heart and remind you of these beautiful truths that He helped you write in this post.

    Ollie’s life was a precious and beautiful tiny gem that God created, and even though his or her time on earth was very brief, his or her memory and spirit will continue to be vessels through which God can show His mighty providence and sweet care. I am so proud of you, little mother, and I will remember Ollie and praise God for what He has done through his or her life.

    Love to you, my friend.

    ~ Vicki

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    I am so so sorry for the loss of your little one. Your perspective and faith is incredibly inspiring. I admire your determination to look for the blessings in this situation and cling to our Heavenly Father and your husband. My prayers are with you!

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    Frannie, I also wanted to tell you how sad I was to read of your baby’s homegoing. Your words here, though, bring a quiet, sustaining joy that despite this very difficult providence, you know where your true Hope rests. Thank for being willing to share this intimate and sorrowful experience with others. It is so very encouraging to read these words. May you regain your health in full measure and may you continue to trust God in the days, months and years ahead for what He brings to your family. You will always be a mama.

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