Looking at your Husband with Confident Eyes

A wife confident in her husband is a blessing!

A few friends of mine have an excellent ability — they look at their husbands with confident, supportive eyes. Everyone in the room can tell she’s on his side, she’s got his back. Their confidence makes the woman more beautiful and the man more respected.

There isn’t anything truly remarkable about these men except that their uniquely themselves. One is a bit eccentric and brilliant, the other smart and savvy. But the confidence and enjoyment these women have beautifies and exemplifies these ordinary men.

Me? Not so much. Honestly, I like to stay in the background and nurse my quirky wallflower nature.

Then, I married an entertainer. It took me a looooooooooooong time to understand that entertaining was one of Dalton’s innate, God-given longings and purposes. He loves bringing laughter to people he feels close to; it energizes and gives purpose to his day.

By the time we married, I had some resemblances to a sour, prickly old maid you read about in classic literature. I have a sense of humor but it’s simple, childlike, and mischievous. The prickly side of my nature looks down and picks apart colorful, witty humor and shies away from anything that draws too much attention.

There are other gifts and talents I didn’t fully appreciate — his ability to lead, his love for weight lifting, his gift for making the hard choices and following thru, his fondness of spontaneous dancing and jumping into rivers, or his deep appreciation for abstract, theological discussion.

Do you know what a poo-poo attitude does to a person? It shrinks them. Holding back from joining in another person’s joy belittles and discourages them. Ultimately, it breaks down trust and friendship.

Not having confidence in your husband’s personality and nature builds barriers of distrust and walls of shame.

No one wants their personality, thought process, humor, or enjoyments belittled.

That’s why I choose to recognize that the differences in our personality as good. I choose to have confidence in the uniqueness of my man and encourage you to do the same. Let’s appreciate the handiwork and creativity of God by accepting and appreciating the natures of our men.

Let's have confidence and enjoyment in our husbands @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Romans 12 encourages us to love without hypocrisy (no eye rolls or shaking of the head) and to honor and have great affection for each other — this includes our men! How we respond to the personalities and interests of our hubby’s reflects the love of Christ. It’s that important.

If there are areas in your husbands personality or nature that are not all they could be, pray for your man. Communicate your thoughts and talk over what you are seeing. My hubby always says he needs to know what I’m thinking, even if he disagrees, so that he make the best decisions possible.

But, for a lot of our husbands, having confidence in who they are will be a life-spring and freedom badly needed and highly rewarded.

Tell me — what aspect of your partner’s nature do you find different from your own and how do you respond to that? I’d love to hear from you!

Cheers to happier husbands and happier marriages!

Frannie

Three Benefits to Postponing Your Honeymoon

Here are 3 of my favorite reasons to wait to go on your honeymoon!

With weddings coming up this year I want to revisit an old favorite of mine and talk about the honeymoon! Traditionally, honeymooners travel far from home the day of or after their wedding; they spend hours in splendor basking in the joys of marriage.

It’s an amazing time to bond and grow in intimacy with your new spouse.

We went a different route. After being (unexpectedly) unemployed for several months, my husband had just begun a new job three months before our wedding. It wasn’t possible to take time off and, in all honesty, neither of us had money to travel.

But, boy, did we have a honeymoon.

In preparation for our marriage, Dalton scrubbed, painted, and cleaned our rental from top to bottom; after our wedding, I hopped into his white truck and we drove three hours northwest to our home.

And just like countless couples before us, Dalton carried me over the threshold and our honeymoon at home began.

After eleven months of marriage and lots of saving, we flew to Las Vegas for 10 days. Our honeymoon away from home bought and paid for out of pocket. 

There are several benefits for waiting to go on your honeymoon but here are three of my favorite. Let me know what you think!

1. You enjoy each other without pressure

Traveling naturally creates stress. Flying (or driving), checking in, and finding your way around a new environment can cause new couples stress.

For Dalton and I, two very happy introverts, there is no place like home. We settled into each other (and our marriage) without the stress and pressure of the outside world. Since I was new to our city, Dalton took me to places he knew I would want to visit and explore. He spent the first few weeks making my time extra special. It was wonderful.

2. You know each other

There’s a learning curve when getting to know your spouse. You haven’t learned each other’s spending habits or been humbled by their bravery and courage when unanswered prayers and broken dreams happen.

You don’t know each other yet but you will.

For us, it was worth putting off an official honeymoon. We know and love each other far better then when we first said “I do” which made our first vacation together that much sweeter.

3. You will enjoy your trip better

God designed marriage to be a beautiful, creative, sexual adventure for you and your spouse and it’s His will that you want for marriage to begin that amazing adventure.

Of course, each couple is different but, for me, it was important to give myself time. I can’t imagine how stressful it would have been for me if we were honeymooning in the tropics and every moment was filled with an activity.

Of course, I know it’s totally possible to plan a beautiful honeymoon and not be roped into all the activities offered. (Think cozy AirBnB in the mountains or beach resort). But for me, it would have been stressful. I loved knowing that at anytime we could go explore our new town and then safely retire back to our cozy, little home and into my man’s strong arms. Physical intimacy (and getting used to it) requires time and I am thankful for the space and freedom not being on a honeymoon offered.

What do you think? Let me know if you waited for your honeymoon or if you loved your getaway! I’d love to hear your thoughts! Also, check out Sheila’s To Love, Honor, and Vaccuum where she published this post!

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

My New Years Resolution for Our Marriage

2019 is the year for a thriving marriage! The past two years have pretty much revolved around our darling little and that’s okay! Between my misdiagnosed miscarriage, constant bleeding, PPROM, bed rest, 7 months in the NICU (while living apart), and then transitioning to motherhood and caregiver responsibilities — life has been crazy! 

And while Dalton and I love each other more than ever I am aiming to make 2019 a year of re-establishing our marriage as #1 priority. 

In effort to grow in our marriage, I am focusing on changing one thing and I think it’s going to be an awesome, life-giving habit! 

I’m choosing to support and complement Dalton’s personality and calling rather than compete against it. 

What’s that look like? Well …

  • Choosing to believe in, pray for, and support, in actions, Dalton’s vision for our family. 
  • Letting go of my expectations and enjoy who Dalton is and what he brings to the world. 
  • Diffusing conflict by receiving Dalton’s reactions graciously (I’ll post more on this later this month).
  • Building trust by being reliable, responsible health wise, and more upfront on issues brewing in my heart. 

When I mean complement I’m not talking about using kind words or flattery (that’s compliment); I’m referring to the dictionary’s definition:

a thing that completes or brings to perfection.

I have a nasty habit of second guessing Dalton and competing against his decisions and vision.

My “needing to win” attitude has caused a lot of unnecessary conflict, hurt feelings, and defensive attitudes. (I love the short article Jeff Bethke wrote about how the need to win will kill any relationship)

Thankfully, I have a loving God Who forgives and changes old thought patterns and sinful attitudes and a patient husband who loves graciously. <3 

This year, instead of fighting against D’s nature, personality, or vision to support them.

What are some of your 2019 goals? Have you chosen a list of resolutions or one word? Leave me a comment below or stop by Instagram. I love to hear from you! 

Love and blessings, 

Frannie

Compatibility Isn’t What Makes Marriage Work

Hello, sweet people!

I originally wrote this post in 2016 — it’s crazy how drastically life has changed since then! But I’m more convinced than ever that compatibility isn’t what keeps a marriage together through the long haul. I’m also convinced this is a lesson we need to learn every year. 

I’m learning what real love is … and it’s beautiful.

There are many misconceptions about love and how best to make relationships work. One of the most deceiving and killing is the lie that compatibility is necessary for a thriving, successful love. Sadly, many friends, lovers and even church family separate when they feel a drift in their compatibility from one another.

Friends, this is wrong.

What Makes Marriage Work

When we base our vows on the typical definition of compatibility  we head down a road of disappointment. Marriages are not meant to be built on how well you compliment your spouse and how well your personalities work together.

Nothing in life is meant to be built on this.

Spouses can be annoying. You can be annoying. The traits and personality quirks you initially found cute can turn into irritants. We’re meant to rub each other raw … that’s one way God works our character.

Instead of basing a relationships value on how well you work together examine your ability to suffer together.

The original, Latin root for compatibility is compati which means to suffer with

Suddenly, being compatible isn’t as fun as before.

Sweet friend, how well do you suffer with your friends, spouse and church family? How well do you show them genuine, authentic love?

Young lovers, please don’t base your relationships on how well you compliment your significant other without asking yourself the simple question: am I willing to suffer with them? Will you suffer with them when finances get tight? Will you suffer with them when they lose all respect, when your child is dying, or when they lose a job?

Make Marriage Work

Honestly, this has been an interesting and new concept for me. I knew that Dalton and I’s relationship needed to be built on an enduring, committed love … but the idea of suffering with? Well, #tbh, that threw me off.

To avoid being overwhelmed, I took this new challenge one practical step at a time. In the past, suffering with Dalton meant being able to give a good back massage when his body ached and cheerfully keep to our budget. I knew that if you aren’t willing to suffer through the small, inconvenient moments then you’ll crumble when the hard stuff hits.

And how true that was! For us, suffering changed from minor irritants to gigantic hurdles! We endured living apart for 7 months while our son had surgery after surgery. For Dalton, suffering meant sleeping on the hospital couch for 9 weeks while I was on bed rest, not turning up the heat in the winter to save money, and driving back and forth each week so I could stay with Uriah while he was in the NICU.

Had we based our marriage on the easy moments we couldn’t have made it through the last few years. How thankful I am God carried us through that traumatic season of  life!

And it’s true for all of us — you may hit iceberg sized difficulties in the future but for now you’ve been given small opportunities to grow deeper in love.

What do you think? How have you grown in your ability to suffer with your friends, spouse or church family? Or is this an area needing strengthening? Share your heart … and let’s grow in grace together!

With love, blessings and coffee,

Frannie

Simple, Easy Ideas for Valentine’s Day for the Whole Family

“You mean more to me than anyone else in the whole wide world.”

– Peter Pan

This Valentine’s Day will be Uriah’s first at home! His first Valentines took place in the NICU — so thankful we are home and able to celebrate the holidays together (even though we do miss our nurses!).

My mom couldn’t be beat when it came to celebrating the holidays and Valentine’s Day was always made special for us children. Gift baskets would be filled with red and pink treats … little things like body soap, candies, candles, or notepads. She really has a gift for making holidays special! <3

This year, we’ll be celebrating Valentine’s Day together and I want to make it a special one for both Uriah and Dalton, my true Valentine!

Since there’s no danger of either reading this post I’ll let you in on the plan! (Real life readers … please keep my secret!) 😉

For Dalton, I will make a little gift basket with 5 coupons for a 1 hour massage by yours truly! (True love since I really stink at giving massages!). I’ll also tuck a pint of his favorite Halo Icecream, a kombucha drink, and a bar of Aldi dark chocolate. His favorites!

For Uriah, I’ll keep it simple with a little bag filled with a new teether, lavender baby lotion (since we’re out 😉 ), and a balloon tied to the side.

Simple yet meaningful gifts that won’t break the budget and will make the holiday special. What do you do for Valentine’s Day? Do you reserve gift giving for only your significant other or do you spread the love to the whole family?

Love, blessings, and a happy Valentine’s Day to you!

Frannie