My Resolution

Today, I stand on a terrifying brink. My tipped-up toes have me leaning over the edge; an edge which is crumbly, steep, and dangerous. If I step off I know I will fall–and the falling will be painful.

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It’s the cliff of being in a shell. A shell, you ask? Yes, a shell; you see, I have a line drawn clearly in my imagined sand and I automatically have two choices. Will I stay on the safe side and enter into a cold, hard barrier? Or, will I step across the line and inedibly be forced out of my crusty shield. Will I fall into vulnerability?
My young twenty-two year old heart is coming to a conclusion: there will be disappointments and hurt in this life. My first natural reaction is to retreat to a safety zone. If I don’t love, I won’t hurt. If I don’t care,  I can ignore mess-ups and wear my brazen suit of armor daring the world to come at me.
But that is not what Jesus wants of me.
Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be like minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
3Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
5Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
7But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

I serve a God Who had no shell; He was open and vulnerable. The Son of Man, the King of kings hurt and cried. He, who is lifted above all, came as a weak, fallible man. And that man made of himself no reputation; he didn’t even try to get the good-Christian, spiritual reputation. He became a servant; He was submissive, broken, giving, loving. He became obedient unto death.

So here am I, one large form of dust and frailty, thinking that I could have it different. And I suppose I could; I suppose I could lock myself away from the pain and anxiety that results from living. I suppose I could become hard (ahem, bitter) and impenetrable. But the day that happens I lose.  I fight the design the Creator has for me.

I choose. I choose to step off the edge–this is my resolution.
 I will love.
 I will care.
 I will be cry, be repentant and vulnerable.
I will live.

2 thoughts on “My Resolution

  1. I'm with you, Frannie! I completely understand where you're coming from, and it's a lesson that I need to learn, too – may the Lord lead us and teach us through His beautiful example!

    Hugs,
    Vicki

  2. You will be in my prayers, dear Frannie!!!
    I imagine all of us must come to a similar decision like this. I pray that all of us will o it with as much grace as you have just done-with a humble heart and willing spirit.
    May Your Father continually 'hold you in His right hand' and never let you fall!

    Your sister in Christ,
    Sarah

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