Of Danger and Joys and Trusting God

“She didn’t need to understand the meaning of life; it was enough to find someone who did, and then fall asleep in his arms and sleep as a child sleeps, knowing that someone stronger than you is protecting you from all evil and all danger” 

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

Life isn’t about being protected from all evils and danger. Just this past week I felt overwhelmed by such things: my first argument with my mom since I was 15, a flu which made me dream nightmares and lay in bed all day, financial woes, a beloved friend who shared with me her unwedded pregnancy, long-distance phone calls with D over a poor-signaled, static-y phone.

No, life isn’t about being kept safe and protected. Lately, my relationship with God feels like the relationship between a circus acrobat and her high rope–shaky, undependable and unknown. It feels as if I’m walking through life with blinded eyes; where are You, God? Do You see the pain I’m going through? Why is it so hard?

To prevent further apathy on my part I pull out my Bible, dust off its covers and begin again. But I’m not reading or loving or living right because I’m living for my Savior. I’m doing good works –albeit vain works– because I’m afraid. Afraid something is seriously wrong with my relationship with God. Like He’s mad at me or something. I mean, if He and I were on the same page wouldn’t life be peachy-keen?

No, not at all.

So what exactly should I do? Throw my hands up in the air, giving up on all that I hold dear? Sink deeper into my apathetic depression? No. Should I puff myself up with vain, religious words and prayers? Beat my selfish ways into submission? No.

 
I’m going to trust. Believe. Repent. Give thanks. Read. Learn. Love. Trust.
 
And then, as we all know, I won’t be protected from evil and danger but I will be resting sweetly in the arms of the one who has defeated both.
 
With love,
Frannie
 
 
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2 thoughts on “Of Danger and Joys and Trusting God

  1. Okay, I'm back … what I wanted to tell you was that it is QUITE NATURAL to feel everything out of whack when you've got so much going on at once. I wouldn't have believed you if you'd said you were trying to change your whole life in 50 days and everything was going as smooth as a breeze. Life doesn't work that way! Big changes almost always bring big headaches, at least while they're in progress.

    But regarding the spiritual side, let me say that I know where you're coming from. Yes, I surely do. I have been going through something similar lately myself, and without anything like the excuse of an impending wedding … but basically, every so often I just get fed up with my lazy, selfish ways, and I try to change them by disciplining myself and trying to do more good things for people. As you've been finding out, *grin*, it doesn't work. All that does work (and I normally don't do this, so I'm definitely preaching to myself, too) is to return to grace. Grace, not just meaning God's merciful treatment of our sins and shortcomings, but also His empowering grace that gives us everything we need to live victoriously in Him. His Spirit lives in you, Frannie, and through Him you are righteous and already able to do everything that pleases Him. Without any additional goodness or virtue on your part. Because it's ALL HIM.

    I'm sure you've seen this article circulating around Facebook lately, like I have, but it had some verses in it that I found massively helpful today, and thought you might find them so, too:

    http://lemmonythings.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/

    Take some time to REST and get over this flu – that is not helping your outlook at all. I frequently feel anxious and depressed when I'm sick, so don't judge your spiritual walk by your fevered feelings. 🙂 I will keep on praying that you're much better and more peaceful very soon!! Dear God, my Father, please grant an extra measure of faith, rest, and peace to my dear sister Frannie as she goes through this stressful and difficult time, and I pray that You would work everything out for good for her and Dalton as they prepare to begin their life together!!

    Hugs and virtual chicken soup to you, my friend!!
    ~ Vicki

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