Pregnancy Tests and Baby Blues

Edit: Almost one year later and I’m resharing this post because I’ve met so many couples who can relate! Since I wrote this I’ve grown in so much peace, contentment and joy. Baby blues are a real thing and some days it is hard wondering if we’ll ever be parents; however, there are so many more moments where I am filled with overflowing joy. I know everything is in God’s hands and He is SO good! Blessings! 12/4/2015

It can be a very personal subject and one I haven’t known how to discuss. Pregnancy troubles. Or, more specifically, struggling to get pregnant.It’s been a hard journey to be on and one I hesitate to share with others; I’ve only been married for ten months, have not dedicated myself to certain timing methods, and am very healthy and well. I’ve been afraid to share because we haven’t visited a doctor or even bought prenatal vitamins — but when you’re as newly married, healthy and young as we are sometimes doctor visits don’t seem appropriate yet.

But, regardless of the circumstances, it has been hard.

And I want to talk about it because I think it will help.

This past week I had been hope-filled and dreamy-eyed. I thought I was pregnant. Nearly every classic symptom of pregnancy appeared to be taking its course so, with a hop and a skip and a merry heart, I bought two pregnancy tests.

The boxes tell you not to read the test after ten minutes but my sister, who has a beautiful 5 month bouncing, baby boy, read a positive only after the set time limit. So I assumed it was okay. Ten minutes after the timeline, a faint positive became visible in the tiny, plastic circle and with the visibility my heart leapt. I had thought I was pregnant at 3 different times within our short marriage so I was used to disappointment. But this time was different. I had a teeny-tiny-faint positive.

And my heart secretly soared.

I waited till the end of the week to try the second test. Like the first, it came out negative; in an effort to move on from my sadness I busied myself with prayer and tidying our house. Twenty minutes later I returned to find that a huge, big blue positive line had appeared. I began to plan how I was going to tell my husband the special news and began to put baby names together.

And then the bleeding began. I told myself it was simply the implantation phase; the natural process of the fertilized egg nestling into its new home. Natural. Good. Expected.

After waking up to the beginning of a normal period, I spoiled the surprise, nervously dressed, held hands with my steady man while picking out three tests and headed home.

The reading?

Negative.

I felt so stupid. How could I convince myself that I was pregnant after two originally negative tests and traditional pms symptoms? How could I be crying over my naivety? How could God have let me believe that I was pregnant? With the sweetness and goodness of a true man, Dalton held me, encouraged me, blessed me, and reminded me that birth is in God’s capable, good hands. Of course, I knew that; I had faith in God and His timing.

But then I realized something very important.

Faith isn’t faith unless it can withstand the valleys, mountains, and struggles.

Remember the Israelites and their journey through the desert? Very few of their company could be called men of faith; men of faith journeyed knowing that they would get to the Promised Land even when the food bags were sagging with emptiness and the last watering holes were three days backwards. Men of faith knew that the God Who had parted the sea would also keep His word. Men of faith didn’t lose heart. And today, this very faith in God is demanded of us.

“Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end; ” Hebrews 3

Doubt is a very natural response to life’s struggles and I am thankful to know that even our Lord Jesus was tempted with it and understands us. There is no condemnation in struggling with unbelief; but, for me, I wasn’t doubting God’s ability or timing in giving us a baby. I was doubting His goodness and His love. My inner man cried out saying, “Why, when I am living a life following Him would He deny me my heart’s desire?” And that is where I want to encourage you, sweet one, if you are in the same boat.

Remember that God is good. O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him — words the psalmist wrote long ago still ring true today. God is good even when life has disappointments and the way is long and the road full of pot-holes and steep ditches. He is good even when your pregnancy tests say positive but the science says negative and He is good even though your week-long dream becomes another example of your vivid imagination.

So yes, it has been a long journey.

A long, marvelous, God-filled journey.

And I am okay … at least I will be.

I don’t mean for this to be a sad tale or turn into a pity party; there are so many sisters in Christ who are struggling with this issue (and in much more painful ways). I also don’t want to be accused of being foolish for not visiting a doctor. Like I said before, I am healthy and well and at this time I am more than okay with letting time take its course. I may change my mind but for now I am happy and content with that.

I just want to be able to talk about it and not feel silly. Because this pain I feel? It’s real. And it affects both Dalton and I.

More than anything, I want it to be a growing experience. I want to walk away from these difficulties and be able to say that my faith grew, my heart expanded, and my love multiplied.

With love, blessings, and coffee,

p.s.

Sometimes learning to talk out your feelings can be embarrassing and really, really hard. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband ready to encourage my heart and dry my eyes, family who love no matter what, and friends like you … who bring authentic sunshine into my life. 🙂 Blessings to you!

12 thoughts on “
Pregnancy Tests and Baby Blues

  1. You are so very right Frannie. Our faith is not real, unless it is able to withstand the valleys, and dark nights. GOD is good, ALL the time. HE will give us the desires of our heart in HIS perfect timing. And if those desires never come to pass, we can rest in the knowledge that it was not HIS will, and HE has something great in store for our lives. 🙂

    And your mom is right. I had a similar experience happen to me 2 months after Justin and I were married. I had a high basal body temp for 20 days, and several early pregnancy symptoms. At the end of the 20th day though, bleeding began, and 2 days later my temp dropped. Until I reach heavens shores, I will never know if I miscarried or not. I find peace in the fact GOD knows, and holds that info I HIS hands. 🙂

    I will be praying for you, dear friend. Hugs are being sent your way. 🙂

    Angel

  2. *huge warm hugs*

    Frannie, I know there is no way I could begin to understand this most womanly and godly of desires, but I can understand how hard it is to wait for a blessing that you have long desired, and so I send hugs and tears your way. I wish I could drop by your house with a basket of tea and cookies and sit with you a while, but since I can't, I thank you for sharing your feelings here on your blog so I can at least be there in spirit. I know that, as the Lord wills, you will be a wonderful mother one day, and when that blessing comes these months of waiting will seem very far away. I will pray for peace and joy for you whenever I think of you. I love you, my friend!!

    Hugs,
    Vicki

  3. Aww..praying for you, beautiful! <3 God has a perfect plan for you and Dalton and your little family-to-be. But, goodness! Isn't it's so hard to wait sometimes!? ((hugs))

  4. Frannie –
    It is so very brave of you to write about this. Many, many women go through this silently with tears only known to God. Thank you for sharing your experience. Because of the life-giving nature of our bodies, the beauty is so deep and rich and the hope is so bright. And yet because of this, the other side of the coin is all the more dark. May God hold you tight as you experience this side of the coin. My prayer is that very soon you'll experience the other side. Your blog and your writing show a depth of maturity uncommon in young women and I'm so thankful to know you.

  5. * Thank you, so much, Miss Elizabeth! You are quite right … all will be well. And it is *so* important to remember to make the most of every moment now. Good, wise words!

    * Miss Angel! "And if those desires never come to pass, we can rest in the knowledge that it was not HIS will …" Good thoughts!! I definitely need to remember that.

    Also, thank you for the understanding, experienced remarks. I so appreciate having friends who have open hearts and understanding kindness. 🙂

    Thank you for your hugs and encouragement!

    * Oh, Vickie, you are wonderful. Thank you for your love and sweetness. I would take your basket of tea and cookies and your visit any day! That would be a dream! 🙂 Thank you for your prayers and encouragement — it really means so much to me!! Love to you!

    * Charis,

    Thank you, sweet one! I so appreciate your kind words … it really is helpful for me to share my heart and I'm so glad I have friends who are willing to care and support. 🙂 God bless you!! <3

    * Sweet Amelia, I so appreciate you. Yes, the waiting can be hard but you are right. God's plan for us is the best and I wouldn't want to miss it for the world!! You are an inspiration to me, sweet lady!

    * Mrs. Haglin,

    Oh, hello and thank you for your sweet, sweet words — they really mean a lot! Thank you also for your prayers and understanding … I rejoice in the fact that God is faithful to us even when we are too busy looking for tomorrow.

    Again, I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have you read and also comment … it really is a special treat. I am thankful for you and the way you constantly point to Him! <3

  6. I'm catching up on your posts, so I am late to the party, but thank you for sharing this with us. It's good to know specifically how to pray for one another. May you continue to rest in His purposes for your family and know that you are safely cared for in His hands no matter what direction your life takes.
    Hugs to you, dear sister in Christ.

    p.s. two or three christmas' ago, i had myself convinced i was pregnant even though every test said no. turns out i wasn't, my period was just very late and i had grown a fat tummy by overindulgence. so take cheer, you're not alone. 🙂

  7. Oh, please do not be discouraged! God truly will send them in His time. I know a number of ladies, myself included who went many, many months, and even years before having a child, and then when they came, they came really fast and most have lots of children today. It is hard meanwhile, especially when you see so many other newleyweds expecting. Just relax and enjoy these precious days with your hubby and trust that God will send them! In fact, I got so sick when I finally did have children, that I was so thankful to have had the first year with my husband before getting pregnant even though I didn't know it at the time. Not that I want you to get sick!!! I just stumbled on your blog and enjoyed it!

  8. Oh, Miss Heather, what a fun encouragement you are. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment on this.

    You are certainly right! It *is good* to know how to pray for one another. I hope you always feel free to share your heart and I am thankful to know I can! 🙂

    And that Christmas story is too funny … although at the time I'm sure it wasn't funny at all. I really do appreciate your sweet comradery. You really are a blessing!

    Frannie

  9. Dear Mrs. K,

    Hello and *welcome!* I am always so delighted to have new visitors — and you left a comment! That is a joy!

    Thank you for your sweet, encouraging thoughts. And thank you for encouraging me into contentment and joy in every season of life. You are so right in saying that every season is a gift from God;even if that means not having children right now I can rejoice in His timing knowing He loves me and does all things for my eternal good!!

    I hope you visit again!

    Blessings!
    Frannie

  10. Dear Mrs. K,

    Hello and *welcome!* I am always so delighted to have new visitors — and you left a comment! That is a joy!

    Thank you for your sweet, encouraging thoughts. And thank you for encouraging me into contentment and joy in every season of life. You are so right in saying that every season is a gift from God;even if that means not having children right now I can rejoice in His timing knowing He loves me and does all things for my eternal good!!

    I hope you visit again!

    Blessings!
    Frannie

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *