My Fear of All Things Babies



Most females my age love the little bundles; they like to kiss, hug, and jostle
about the squirming creature and they enjoy cooing and soothing and holding all
the while making it look easy and natural.


I, on the other
hand, am different. Much different.


Put a baby in my
arms and I become as wide-eyed, stiff, and awkward as can be.


Babies scare me.
They’re fragile. Their necks flop about and they are so hard to dress; it took
me forever to learn how to button onsies (so many buttons!) and I’m scared stiff
to pull their little t-shirts over their little faces.


Back in Alaska I’m
known for putting a baby’s diaper on backward.


Toddlers aren’t any
better—instead of enjoying the cute faces they make I spend energy worrying
about whether or not they’ll choke on a carrot or if it’s time to change the


Finally, the birth
process. Oi. I have ever so many questions
about the pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a miraculous event and I
believe motherhood in all its stages is beautiful.  But what about weight gain, labor, pain and
all those doctor visits?


You see, I’ve never
had any little people in the house to take care of. When my sister and I
babysat she would take care of the babies and I would take care of the cleaning;
we made a great team and I relished the chance to avoid those fragile, precious


Last week I had the
chance to visit with a friend who recently had her first baby. We talked about
little things at first; I was afraid becoming a mom had totally changed her.
Then we began to talk about it, the
baby and the birth.


“Was it painful?”


“How has your body


“How did you handle
all those doctors?”


“Was the umbilical
cord . . . creepy?” J Ever since I watched an episode of “I Didn’t Know
I was Pregnant” the umbilical cord has resembled something alive from the SciFi
channel! Eeek!


It was so good for
me to ask real questions and to hear honest answers. It was such relief to know
that pregnancy and labor are hard but well worth it. It was such a blessing to
see how God carried her through her pregnancy and labor and how the pain is now
drifting into the past . . . just like He promised.


So, am I ready to
pick up every baby I see?




But am excited to
see the little ways God molds and changes my heart and soothes my fears?




With love,




          The baby about babies
Like that baby carriage? Me too! Find it here.

Afraid of Being Unknown

I think we
write because we’re afraid no one will hear us otherwise.

At least I

afraid, deep down inside, that we might go unnoticed, unheard, unseen. The thought
of never being known, truly– in all our mess and glory—is as paralyzing
as swimming with great whites.

Tonight I
stepped outside to let the dogs out. It amazed me to see, through the shifting
clouds and falling snow, a full moon. It was only a small, quiet observation
but something inside me yearned to tell someone; to bring them in on my private

But there
was no one; only four sleeping bodies slumbering under comforters.

My heart,
our hearts, reach out for someone, anyone (ahem, Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr,
Blogger . . .) who will hear us. I cry when I feel no one understands. I can
grow bitter when I feel all alone.

But, in
reality, that’s faithlessness.

there is One who knows our every thought. He is keenly aware of our joys and
delights and He knows our silent sobs. Jesus Christ knows you, and, would you
believe it, He knows me too.

is beautiful because it’s the tale of two people knowing one another. As a
couple progresses from friends to husband and wife, they choose to delight in
the thoughts and ideas and ways of each other.

calls us to know Him in the same manner. To delight ourselves in Himself and to
find His ways light. To choose Him and learn to know Him. 

So, I
guess the truth of this is that I don’t have to be afraid anymore. Not with a
Lord like that.
without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must
believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek
him.” Hebrews 11:6
. . .
P.S. For clarification,
I love blogging and I have no plans on (cough, cough) ever stopping. It’s only
that believe I need to find Christ my all-in-all and turn to Him with my heart.
Not every other kid on the block.
Because God is