My New Years Resolution for Our Marriage

2019 is the year for a thriving marriage! The past two years have pretty much revolved around our darling little and that’s okay! Between my misdiagnosed miscarriage, constant bleeding, PPROM, bed rest, 7 months in the NICU (while living apart), and then transitioning to motherhood and caregiver responsibilities — life has been crazy! 

And while Dalton and I love each other more than ever I am aiming to make 2019 a year of re-establishing our marriage as #1 priority. 

In effort to grow in our marriage, I am focusing on changing one thing and I think it’s going to be an awesome, life-giving habit! 

I’m choosing to support and complement Dalton’s personality and calling rather than compete against it. 

What’s that look like? Well …

  • Choosing to believe in, pray for, and support, in actions, Dalton’s vision for our family. 
  • Letting go of my expectations and enjoy who Dalton is and what he brings to the world. 
  • Diffusing conflict by receiving Dalton’s reactions graciously (I’ll post more on this later this month).
  • Building trust by being reliable, responsible health wise, and more upfront on issues brewing in my heart. 

When I mean complement I’m not talking about using kind words or flattery (that’s compliment); I’m referring to the dictionary’s definition:

a thing that completes or brings to perfection.

I have a nasty habit of second guessing Dalton and competing against his decisions and vision.

My “needing to win” attitude has caused a lot of unnecessary conflict, hurt feelings, and defensive attitudes. (I love the short article Jeff Bethke wrote about how the need to win will kill any relationship)

Thankfully, I have a loving God Who forgives and changes old thought patterns and sinful attitudes and a patient husband who loves graciously. <3 

This year, instead of fighting against D’s nature, personality, or vision to support them.

What are some of your 2019 goals? Have you chosen a list of resolutions or one word? Leave me a comment below or stop by Instagram. I love to hear from you! 

Love and blessings, 

Frannie

How Pandora Radio Taught Me About the Subtlety of Compromise // Coffee Series

Coffee With You Series

I have a supreme enjoyment of three specific, earthly things: good coffee, good music and good dessert. 

Pandora Radio is my music app of choice and I’m always listening to a variety of stations with my top three being JJ Heller, Mannheim Steamroller Holiday, and Pride + Prejudice Film Score. Of course, the nature of Pandora is that you’ll get all sorts of artists crooning their notes through your speakers and, with the flick of an up or down thumb, you build your playlist.

All was fine until I heard a song crooning from my JJ Heller station. My ears pricked at the sound — it was an old, emotion-filled love song which was popular during my Freshman year of high school (back when I was into rap and all sorts of mainstream vocals). It wasn’t a terrible song but it was definitely something I have chosen not to listen to any more.

I was shocked. How could something so long-forgotten and bypassed suddenly appear in my folksy, Christian artist station? And it wasn’t the only one. Throughout the day I was bombarded by songs not befitting my tastes or beliefs. Somehow, through a long-time of liking different songs, I had given Pandora the impression of the type of music I wanted to hear.

My station had been compromised.

And suddenly, I saw a lesson I’ve been needing to learn for a long time.

Sin, in any form, removes us from God. But we often don’t see it that way. We see little sins as minor issues; we don’t thumbs-down the small, minuscule character flaws, emotions or thoughts we deal with every day. It isn’t sin … it’s just not the best, we think. We trick ourselves into believing that the comprise doesn’t matter or that we’re mature enough Christians to handle it.

It happens to us all the time. We compromise on the little things forgetting that compromise grows up into full blown, reprobate patterns of sin. We don’t see that we’ve allowed compromise and justified little sins until we reap the fruit of bad character and rebellious hearts.

Sin does not advance by leaps; it advances by creeps—one tiny compromise at a time. – Mary Kassian from “Don’t Be a Wimp: Kicking the Habits that Make Women Weak.”

Sin creeps in just like artists we don’t want on our Pandora Radio. We hesitate on clicking the thumbs-down button. “Oh, I like this song … it won’t hurt anyone” turns into a secular takeover of your Christian station in a matter of days. It’s a lot like “I’m mature enough to watch this movie” or “My boyfriend and I are committed to purity so we know how far we can push the boundaries and where the line is.” 

Mary Kassian's Quote

The good news is that God is big enough and present enough to turn to. Some of us know we have compromise in our lives but are afraid of coming forward — I’ll fix it, Lord, and then I can turn to you … you don’t want me as I am right now. (This is my biggest lie I buy.) Other’s are letting a lack of faith keep them from repentance — God, I’m unfixable. I’m broken beyond repair. If You only saw my mind and the filth filling it You wouldn’t want me.

Friends, turn to Jesus. Turn in your brokenness and pain and smallness. You can’t change unless you let Him do a change in you first. Let Him shine light on the compromises in your life and weed out the roots of sin. He loves you and you are worth every effort of His. 

Have you let compromise sneak into your life? Are you experiencing the result of hesitation on clicking the thumbs-down button in your life? Do you need prayer or a listening ear? We’re here to encourage and lift each other up — this is a safe place, friend. We’re here to point you to the One Who is big enough to cleanse the years of compromise you’ve allowed. Just ask. 

With love, blessings and a whole lotta coffee,

Frannie