I haven’t got a lot to share lately, some days I feel like a washed up conch shell in the Caribbean, dry and bleached from the sun.
We’re having good days. Uriah is growing well. Yesterday, he tried to turn his head back and forth during tummy time; the only thing holding him up was the trach tube. He’s such a darling boy. And Dalton and I are well — it’s a hard thing being separated every week with hours between us. But we find ways to bond and eagerly await being home together soon.
Yesterday, I read part of these verses out loud to my messy, cluttered living room, steaming coffee cup, and our unborn, 18 week old baby. (Becuase he/she can hear me now.) 🙂
Every once in a while I discover the glories of the little things. Right now, for instance, I’m enjoying morning sunlight spilling from the little, shuttered windows in our living room with a warm cup of goodness.
The bushes outside the window are wavering in the wind and dinner is already planned. Tonight Dalton will come home full of smiles and kisses and questions about my day, dinner, and baby.
In life we’re given the choice to simply trust and obey or grow faithless and fearful.
In our current situation, I’m constantly challenged by fear. Every belly cramp, sign of blood, or internet search weakens my faith and I begin to dig up in doubt what I had planted in faith.
Last week was no different. My Beloved came home, exhausted from the previous night’s trip to the emergency room, the extra work he had done over the weekend, and being out-of-town. My normally calm and collected Dalton was stressed and worn out. And instead of helping ease his weary heart I made it heavier through my nervous, worry-edged tone.
Even though we had just been to the doctor who informed us that baby was well, growing and the spotting/bleeding appeared to be low-risk, every hour of the day seemed grow my anxiety and fear. It’s like I need to be jellied up and sitting next to an ultrasound every moment of the day for me to have any peace and rest.
Friends, learn with me. Don’t dig up in doubt what you’ve planted in faith.
Life is full of unknowns.
Thankfully, we can know that God is good and kind and exceedingly present in our time of need. He is faithful to His children, their needs, and He hears their pleas.
Dalton reminded me that besides our false alarm miscarriage, our pregnancy has really been quite problem-free. Yes, I spot but so do a thousand other women who have healthy babies.
So, here’s to Fridays and learning to live life in faith. Here’s to less worry and more trusting and obeying.
What are you learning to let go and trust in? have you any advice or insight in how to conquer fear and anxiety? Let’s grow together and share our hearts!
Love, blessings, and coffee,
Frannie
Ah … it’s a good day at the Duncan house. Coffee is poured, candles are lit and, best thing of all, my heart is finding a place to rest.
You’ve all been such gems listening to my worries and sending encouragement my way. Thank you. Thank you for being the Body of Christ and being such a good friends.
We went to our first ultrasound and saw our little one, all seven weeks and four days growth of him. We couldn’t hear the heartbeat but our midwife felt confident that baby’s positioning and size were marks of a healthy, growing baby.
Isn’t God good?
The funny thing was that I left the clinic still worried. It’s like my heart had become addicted to worrying because worry is the only thing I can control.
Dalton challenged me to do something different.
He challenged me to trust in God. To place my trust in His great goodness and love and power. He challenged me to rest in God’s care, let go of worry, and enjoy this time.
You know what? He’s right. He’s 100%, perfectly, wonderfully right. Giving up worry and control isn’t easy for me — I like holding the reins on my life. But I’m starting to suspect that the 2+ years of waiting to conceive and now disconcerting spotting aren’t accidents.
God is placing me in circumstances I wish I could control but can’t. As one friend said, “God has a way of allowing or giving us exactly what we need in our life to help refine us.” I think it’s time I let Him.
So, first step? I’m going to start celebrating Baby Duncan like he/she will be arriving December 28th instead of thinking of the worse possibilities. I’m going to start literally preparing for my little one. I’m going to start giving thanks for baby’s future instead of dreading what I fear is his/her present.
I’m going to have a friend over for coffee and cinnamon rolls and we’re going to laugh and celebrate our good God.
How are you going to start trusting God today?
Love, blessings and coffee,
Frannie