It’s been a long journey, our time in the NICU. But there is more to this season than fear and unknowns and living away from home. There’s a lot more.
There’s something delicious about writing those first few words of a story. You can never quite tell where they will take you. – Miss Potter
There is something delicious about new things. New books, new houses, new clothes — they all carry an innate specialness. Even more importantly, new years are something to be look forward to.
It’s time for me to begin planning for the year ahead. Last year I really benefited from choosing a word and making it the theme of the year. 2016 was the year I chose delight.
This year, my theme for 2017 is the word season.
I’m in a time of life where I need to remember our lives are made up of seasons. In the last 135 days I’ve been home twice. My sweet 2 month old is in the NICU and some days I forget that real life is lived outside hospital walls. It’s important for me to remember that this is only a season of life; a short paragraph in our story.
The beautiful thing about seasons is that they are each unique and require different attitudes and actions from us. During spring we prepare gardens, clean homes, and refresh closets while summer days find us sweating in the sun; autumn is full of harvest and winter rest, lit fires, and warm blankets.
Our live’s seasons are also unique and require different attitudes and actions. I don’t want to waste these days dreaming of our homecoming or dreading the hours spent in the hospital. I want this season of life to count for something.
So, what does this mean practically?
I want to find ways to make the most of our time in the NICU.
I want to pursue my husband and marriage even while this season of life has us apart most of the week. I also want to find courage and creativity in seasoning our marriage with more romance and encouraging other women to do the same. (You know, spice things up?) 😉
I want to find creative ways to tell our story and God’s goodness throughout this entire season.
I want to invest in people.
I want to organize and declutter our home now so that when Uriah comes home I can focus (more easily) on him than on the stuff around me.
I want to get to know my Lord better during this season of whispered prayers, exhaustion, stress, and rough introduction to motherhood.
I want to sow now, so that later I may reap a good harvest.
What’s your theme for 2017? Do you make resolutions or are you a word sort of person? Are you as surprised by February’s arrival as I am? 🙂 Share your thoughts below!
Love, blessings, and coffee,
It’s an interesting thing being a first time mom. Even more interesting is learning how to care for your first child in the confines of NICU walls. Between the breathing tubes, alarms, flashing lights, and wires there is a beautiful, tiny, precious soul yearning for your love, care, and touch.
“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why are thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance. O my God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore I will remember Thee from the land of Jordan … the LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.” Psalm 42:5,6,8
Every once in a while I catch the blues; you know, the Eeyore-like tendency to see the world colored in grey, fearful, and unhappy? And don’t worry, I sometimes felt this way before my time in the hospital.
“I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication. I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path.
In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. I cried unto thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.
Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.” Psalm 142, KJV
This week’s favorite Psalm was definitely Psalm 142. It was a good week full of quality time with Dalton, sweet friends, an awesome mail day, and a visit with the doctor that gave us a few answers and hope for Uriah’s health. Plus, a whole week without contractions and labor is a huge blessing!
However, there are moments when life feels hard. Preterm labor is a constant unknown when your water has broke. Infection is always a looming possibility. The extremely rare threat of the dreaded pro-clasped cord hangs above my head like a dark, menacing cloud. Then, out of the blue, some conflict arises (and you know how I hate conflict) and I cow and fail to speak up and that brings all sorts of dreaded feelings and issues. To sum it up, life can still feel hard and lonely and full of hurt even when it is full of blessings, light, and life.
When I opened my Bible this morning I cried out, “Oh, Lord, help me!” I’m reading through the Psalms and eventually came across Psalm 142. It’s simple and to the point: sometimes, only the Lord can understand and comfort us. Sometimes, human sympathy and understanding, though there, falls short. Sometimes, all we can do is “show Him our trouble, pour out our complaint, and cry unto the LORD …” We can know that we were heard and understood. The longings and cries of our heart are seen and known.
Isn’t that utterly beautiful?
With love, blessings, renewed hope, and coffee,