Three Benefits to Postponing Your Honeymoon

Here are 3 of my favorite reasons to wait to go on your honeymoon!

With weddings coming up this year I want to revisit an old favorite of mine and talk about the honeymoon! Traditionally, honeymooners travel far from home the day of or after their wedding; they spend hours in splendor basking in the joys of marriage.

It’s an amazing time to bond and grow in intimacy with your new spouse.

We went a different route. After being (unexpectedly) unemployed for several months, my husband had just begun a new job three months before our wedding. It wasn’t possible to take time off and, in all honesty, neither of us had money to travel.

But, boy, did we have a honeymoon.

In preparation for our marriage, Dalton scrubbed, painted, and cleaned our rental from top to bottom; after our wedding, I hopped into his white truck and we drove three hours northwest to our home.

And just like countless couples before us, Dalton carried me over the threshold and our honeymoon at home began.

After eleven months of marriage and lots of saving, we flew to Las Vegas for 10 days. Our honeymoon away from home bought and paid for out of pocket. 

There are several benefits for waiting to go on your honeymoon but here are three of my favorite. Let me know what you think!

1. You enjoy each other without pressure

Traveling naturally creates stress. Flying (or driving), checking in, and finding your way around a new environment can cause new couples stress.

For Dalton and I, two very happy introverts, there is no place like home. We settled into each other (and our marriage) without the stress and pressure of the outside world. Since I was new to our city, Dalton took me to places he knew I would want to visit and explore. He spent the first few weeks making my time extra special. It was wonderful.

2. You know each other

There’s a learning curve when getting to know your spouse. You haven’t learned each other’s spending habits or been humbled by their bravery and courage when unanswered prayers and broken dreams happen.

You don’t know each other yet but you will.

For us, it was worth putting off an official honeymoon. We know and love each other far better then when we first said “I do” which made our first vacation together that much sweeter.

3. You will enjoy your trip better

God designed marriage to be a beautiful, creative, sexual adventure for you and your spouse and it’s His will that you want for marriage to begin that amazing adventure.

Of course, each couple is different but, for me, it was important to give myself time. I can’t imagine how stressful it would have been for me if we were honeymooning in the tropics and every moment was filled with an activity.

Of course, I know it’s totally possible to plan a beautiful honeymoon and not be roped into all the activities offered. (Think cozy AirBnB in the mountains or beach resort). But for me, it would have been stressful. I loved knowing that at anytime we could go explore our new town and then safely retire back to our cozy, little home and into my man’s strong arms. Physical intimacy (and getting used to it) requires time and I am thankful for the space and freedom not being on a honeymoon offered.

What do you think? Let me know if you waited for your honeymoon or if you loved your getaway! I’d love to hear your thoughts! Also, check out Sheila’s To Love, Honor, and Vaccuum where she published this post!

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

Compatibility Isn’t What Makes Marriage Work

Hello, sweet people!

I originally wrote this post in 2016 — it’s crazy how drastically life has changed since then! But I’m more convinced than ever that compatibility isn’t what keeps a marriage together through the long haul. I’m also convinced this is a lesson we need to learn every year. 

I’m learning what real love is … and it’s beautiful.

There are many misconceptions about love and how best to make relationships work. One of the most deceiving and killing is the lie that compatibility is necessary for a thriving, successful love. Sadly, many friends, lovers and even church family separate when they feel a drift in their compatibility from one another.

Friends, this is wrong.

What Makes Marriage Work

When we base our vows on the typical definition of compatibility  we head down a road of disappointment. Marriages are not meant to be built on how well you compliment your spouse and how well your personalities work together.

Nothing in life is meant to be built on this.

Spouses can be annoying. You can be annoying. The traits and personality quirks you initially found cute can turn into irritants. We’re meant to rub each other raw … that’s one way God works our character.

Instead of basing a relationships value on how well you work together examine your ability to suffer together.

The original, Latin root for compatibility is compati which means to suffer with

Suddenly, being compatible isn’t as fun as before.

Sweet friend, how well do you suffer with your friends, spouse and church family? How well do you show them genuine, authentic love?

Young lovers, please don’t base your relationships on how well you compliment your significant other without asking yourself the simple question: am I willing to suffer with them? Will you suffer with them when finances get tight? Will you suffer with them when they lose all respect, when your child is dying, or when they lose a job?

Make Marriage Work

Honestly, this has been an interesting and new concept for me. I knew that Dalton and I’s relationship needed to be built on an enduring, committed love … but the idea of suffering with? Well, #tbh, that threw me off.

To avoid being overwhelmed, I took this new challenge one practical step at a time. In the past, suffering with Dalton meant being able to give a good back massage when his body ached and cheerfully keep to our budget. I knew that if you aren’t willing to suffer through the small, inconvenient moments then you’ll crumble when the hard stuff hits.

And how true that was! For us, suffering changed from minor irritants to gigantic hurdles! We endured living apart for 7 months while our son had surgery after surgery. For Dalton, suffering meant sleeping on the hospital couch for 9 weeks while I was on bed rest, not turning up the heat in the winter to save money, and driving back and forth each week so I could stay with Uriah while he was in the NICU.

Had we based our marriage on the easy moments we couldn’t have made it through the last few years. How thankful I am God carried us through that traumatic season of  life!

And it’s true for all of us — you may hit iceberg sized difficulties in the future but for now you’ve been given small opportunities to grow deeper in love.

What do you think? How have you grown in your ability to suffer with your friends, spouse or church family? Or is this an area needing strengthening? Share your heart … and let’s grow in grace together!

With love, blessings and coffee,

Frannie

Encouragement for the Woman who Feels Forgotten

I see you, sweet woman. 

Whether you’re single and lonely or a busy, married mother covered in grimy children (and wishing for some alone time), I see you. And while I can’t reach through this screen and squeeze your hand I want you to know that you are not forgotten. 

No matter what stage we find ourselves in, it’s a common theme to feel forgotten and surpassed. In my own life, I can look around and see the ordinary, fun things we’re not quite able to do just yet for fear of germs and sickness and, in all honesty, sometimes I feel forgotten. 

Do you ever feel that way? Like you just don’t fit in? Or worse, that you could fit in but no one seems to even notice you’re missing? Maybe you have so much to offer but this season of life keeps you too busy to volunteer (I’m looking at all my working moms and caregivers out there). 

Friend, I’m here to tell you that you will never be forgotten or passed over.

Christ paid too much to forget you.

I’m very emotion-based so whenever I feel that my husband and I are not as harmonious as I’d like (aka, we bickered over diapers or late dinners again) 😉 I begin to feel like I’m unraveling. 

And when my inner being is filled with this unraveling feeling I tend to not think clearly — I go into panic mode, looking for any way to calm the inner chaos a minor conflict created. 

I’ve recently learned something so precious, so timeless, that has changed my chaos to calm and it’s this simple:  

Simple, isn’t it? If nothing can separate us from the love of God doesn’t that include the emotional mess I created when I melted down from a tiny, minor argument between myself and the man who loves me? 

And if I can relax and trust that I am not forgotten, that God the Father loves me entirely, then I can rest, relax and not become emotional goo. 

And if God the Father cares that much about me and the ridiculous mess I can be, then, can’t you trust that He sees you in your season of life? He sees you hiding from your kids in the bathroom. He sees you longing for a hidden dream long put off. He knows your tired and wishing to be a stay at home mom. He hasn’t forgotten you even when the rest of your community has. 

Sweet friend, God sees you, He loves you, and He will never forget you. 

If you are feeling forgotten and longing for a friend, leave me a comment. I would love to get to know you. We’re all walking together in this journey! 

With love, blessings, and coffee, 

Frannie

5 Ways to Deal with Anger in Your Marriage

Real life means we’re going to have conflict in our relationships. How we handle it, or don’t handle it, will determine if our marriage will grow or not. Join me for a coffee break and a quick read on how to deal with anger in your marriage. Follow this link or click on the picture below.

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5 Ways to Love Your Spouse (When Your Season of Life is Crazy)

AuthenticVirtue.com

Purposefully pursuing your spouse during a hard season of life is incredibly important for a healthy marriage. We talk about first fights and how to settle arguments and submit joyfully to our husbands but what do you do when you find out you’ve lost a little one? How do you draw closer to your spouse when you discover your child has developmental issues or that your parent has a terminal illness? How do you cultivate your friendship when bills are sky high and the stress of unemployment fills the room? How can your marriage bloom when your season of life is too full or crazy for romance?

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