Compatibility Isn’t What Makes Marriage Work

Hello, sweet people!

I originally wrote this post in 2016 — it’s crazy how drastically life has changed since then! But I’m more convinced than ever that compatibility isn’t what keeps a marriage together through the long haul. I’m also convinced this is a lesson we need to learn every year. 

I’m learning what real love is … and it’s beautiful.

There are many misconceptions about love and how best to make relationships work. One of the most deceiving and killing is the lie that compatibility is necessary for a thriving, successful love. Sadly, many friends, lovers and even church family separate when they feel a drift in their compatibility from one another.

Friends, this is wrong.

What Makes Marriage Work

When we base our vows on the typical definition of compatibility  we head down a road of disappointment. Marriages are not meant to be built on how well you compliment your spouse and how well your personalities work together.

Nothing in life is meant to be built on this.

Spouses can be annoying. You can be annoying. The traits and personality quirks you initially found cute can turn into irritants. We’re meant to rub each other raw … that’s one way God works our character.

Instead of basing a relationships value on how well you work together examine your ability to suffer together.

The original, Latin root for compatibility is compati which means to suffer with

Suddenly, being compatible isn’t as fun as before.

Sweet friend, how well do you suffer with your friends, spouse and church family? How well do you show them genuine, authentic love?

Young lovers, please don’t base your relationships on how well you compliment your significant other without asking yourself the simple question: am I willing to suffer with them? Will you suffer with them when finances get tight? Will you suffer with them when they lose all respect, when your child is dying, or when they lose a job?

Make Marriage Work

Honestly, this has been an interesting and new concept for me. I knew that Dalton and I’s relationship needed to be built on an enduring, committed love … but the idea of suffering with? Well, #tbh, that threw me off.

To avoid being overwhelmed, I took this new challenge one practical step at a time. In the past, suffering with Dalton meant being able to give a good back massage when his body ached and cheerfully keep to our budget. I knew that if you aren’t willing to suffer through the small, inconvenient moments then you’ll crumble when the hard stuff hits.

And how true that was! For us, suffering changed from minor irritants to gigantic hurdles! We endured living apart for 7 months while our son had surgery after surgery. For Dalton, suffering meant sleeping on the hospital couch for 9 weeks while I was on bed rest, not turning up the heat in the winter to save money, and driving back and forth each week so I could stay with Uriah while he was in the NICU.

Had we based our marriage on the easy moments we couldn’t have made it through the last few years. How thankful I am God carried us through that traumatic season of  life!

And it’s true for all of us — you may hit iceberg sized difficulties in the future but for now you’ve been given small opportunities to grow deeper in love.

What do you think? How have you grown in your ability to suffer with your friends, spouse or church family? Or is this an area needing strengthening? Share your heart … and let’s grow in grace together!

With love, blessings and coffee,

Frannie

5 Ways You Can Make Your Rental Feel Like Home

Home sweet home … it’s the creative renter’s heartbeat. But what happens when your home isn’t home-y? How do you make your house feel like a home when it isn’t your dream home?

(Or in my case, when you live in an adorable but grungy rental where the landlord forgets to mow the lawn and you’re not allowed to paint?)

After living in three rentals over the last (almost) five years, I’ve learned a few tricks that have warmed and welcomed our hearts and bodies. In other words, let me show you a few ways you can turn that cold and ambiguous rental into a space you love. Because, we want to love the home we have — we want to be joyfully content in the space we’ve been given. 

Here are my 5 secrets to making your rental feel like home sweet home: 

Keep what you love — pass on what you don’t

This one can be so hard especially when you are a saver (hoarder?) like me! 😉 I’ve never struggled with keeping unused items until we had Uriah. Now, I have trouble tossing a stained onesie away! 

(Let’s all do ourselves a favor and vow to throw out the stained onesies!)

It can be challenging pairing down items because we think we’ll use them one day. But one day could be years from now and your family’s peace of mind needs space and lack of clutter in order to thrive.

Unless the items you are saving are truly treasures give yourself the freedom to say, “When one day comes I’ll replace this item. Until then, I’ll give it a good home.”

There are many ways to pass on items you don’t need. Post a Facebook ad, have a yard sale, or (if you’re busy like me) find your local Habitat for Humanity or Goodwill and pass on the items. (I especially like the first because they will pick up large items from your home! Woohoo!) 

A clean + organized home = love

This is probably the most important way to make your rental feel like a home you want to come home to. Our current home is a beautiful, charming 1940’s brick with adorable built-in china cabinets, a yellow insert oven, and a gorgeous mantle. 

But as beautiful as our home is, it was also equally dirty. Grime from prior tenants was caked in the metal pieces which separate rooms (what are those called?). My stove fan was covered in grease from others’ messy cooking. And the kitchen floor was literally discolored from improper mopping. 

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. 

It took me an embarrassingly long time to catch up on these projects. I hated (hate?) the idea of cleaning up someone else’s irresponsible messes. 

But the projects begged to be done and the difference once done is amazing! I try to keep the house clean but really getting into the grime really made a huge difference! Just keeping our bedroom free of clutter makes a world of difference! 

We have better things to do than cry over the “no paint” rule

I understand how frustrating a “no paint” rule can be — I’m currently living in a home which forbids me changing the colors and it used to drive me nuts! (Not to mention the giant cracks in paint!)

After a few creative meltdowns I started finding rental-friendly ways to brighten and fill my walls without breaking the contract. In our living room, I’ve created a gallery wall. And in other rooms I’ve put up baskets, instruments, and unique frames. Check out this link full of budget-friendly ways to make your walls beautiful! 

Breaking up with ugly fruit wallpaper 

Ugly wallpaper breaking your beauty-loving heart? Me too … our dining room was bordered in a hideous, dirty fruit pattern that matched nothing in our home. After a year and a half I got desperate and found contact paper cute enough to pass the test. $10 and 30 minutes later, I had brand new walls cute enough to stop me from gagging every time I looked into the dining area. 

(I know that sounds dramatic but here is a before and after as proof to the wallpaper’s hideousness. And my OCD).

I know this is a super cute picture of Uriah so peel your eyes away from his adorable grin and notice the ick behind him. 😉
That wallpaper haunted me for months until I found a cheap, temporary alternative — contact paper. 

Temporary, budget-friendly decor

I’m thinking all about colorful rugs, pillows, DIY window swags (I love my burlap!), and Ikea plants that bring joy into your space! 

For a long time I was against any large rugs in our living room … I tend to be a matchy matchy kid of girl and bold colors make me feel claustrophobic and overwhelmed. (I know … weird). 

But when I found this rug just perfect for Uriah and within my dream color scheme I had to take the jump. Since then, I’ve fallen in love with splashes of color and have bought complementary pillows. 

Add in a few budget-friendly Ikea plants and you have decor you could easily love for several years and then pack up when you move! p.s: when you do move read my 7 tips for making it less miserable! 😉

Tell me how you make your house a home? Do you have an budget-friendly, Pinterest pins you can share? Comment below — I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

Love, blessings, and coffee, 

Frannie

5 Ways to Deal with Anger in Your Marriage

Real life means we’re going to have conflict in our relationships. How we handle it, or don’t handle it, will determine if our marriage will grow or not. Join me for a coffee break and a quick read on how to deal with anger in your marriage. Follow this link or click on the picture below.

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Baby Update: 37 Days Old and Growing!

 

Hello, sweet people!

Uriah is now 37 days old! What a beautiful thing it has been to have him in our lives! There have been several exciting blessings over the last few weeks and I’ll share them below!

AuthenticVirtue.com

Here I am holding Uriah for the first time when he was 3 weeks old. What a special, delightful moment. So special!

Here we are at 28 days old when Uriah got his breathing tube out! This was a glorious day! Just the day before I had asked the doctor for a best case scenario of when the tube would come out and she had replied a week. The next morning we walked in to him being extubated! 😀 Since then I have heard him make lots of grunts and squeaks and one cry (he couldn’t make sounds while intubated). (Isn’t this picture adorable! He makes the cutest face when he looks at us! His forehead wrinkles are to die for!)

Uriah celebrated his first Christmas wearing clothes for the very first time! How stylish! 😉

Eyes wide open! We love it when our little boy is wake; he’s so fun! He is starting to wake up before meal times and occasionally sucks on his hand and thumb! He is eating 68 mils every three hours! Woohoo!!

Some other exciting news:

  • Uriah is no longer intubated or on CPAP; his breathing support is simply a flowing, humidified oxygen which is being weaned as he is able to tolerate it
  • He is holding his own temperature and may be moved to a real crib soon!
  • A speech therapist has begun meeting Uriah as we begin “swallow therapy.” Right now he gets all of his meals through an NG tube but we dip a paci into milk and let him practice sucking (which he seems to really like!). We hope to get a swallow study done this week which will tell us how well he is able to suck, swallow, and breath.
  • Uriah is more active than ever! This is day 5 or 6 of being totally morphine free (required for his surgeries) and we really think he enjoys not being sedated. And we sure love watching him move, stretch, and interact more often!
  • Last week, Uriah had a pretty serious blood acid issue which mystified the doctors. He wasn’t responding to a large dose of medicine they had given him to correct the high levels which led the doctors to believe he had a metabolic disorder; ultrasounds were taken of his kidneys and liver while genetics were requested. Yet, none of the specialists could find a reason for him to be referred to them; his kidneys and liver did not seem to be involved and the geneticist felt he didn’t have the right symptoms for a gene issue. The high dose of ineffective medicine upset his tummy and led to him being dehydrated so a new medicine was chosen. We thank the Lord that he began to show improvement and now his levels have remained normal for the last 3 days! We still do not know what caused the issue but we are blessed it has disappeared!
  • Uriah has the sweetest personality! He is so content, patient, interested, and sweet. He rarely cries even during hard things like heel pricks for blood draws. He works really hard at focusing on our faces and lifts his eyebrows when he is interested in something.
  • Our little 5 weeker (who should technically still be in my tummy at 38 weeks!) is now 6 pounds and a few ounces.
  • Uriah’s shunt seems to be working really well. The incision site has healed nicely and his head has stabilized, not loosing fluid too fast or too slow.

Thank you for all of the love, prayers, and sweet words you have sent to us! We are blessed and loved. God is so good!

I want to start blogging again but, to be honest, I have no idea what to write. I feel like I’m still in survival mode and all I can think about is Uriah, snuggling with Dalton, being with my family, going home, and coffee. Oh, and sweets. I’ve got a huge addiction to sweets I’m trying to master. And also Netflix. I’m sort of addicted to Call the Midwives and Lost again. I keep feeling like I have to figure out who I am … I’m a mom now but I’m not able to do all the mommy stuff one would normally do. I’m not busy changing diapers and breastfeeding; I have to wait to do all of that. I’m too tired to think spiritual thoughts other than mere whispers to the Lord. I haven’t made a homemade dinner in ages and haven’t been home since my water broke in September. Maybe I’m going through my mid-life crisis as I am turning 27 in a few weeks and am realizing that I am closer to 30 than 20. The beautiful thing is that it’s okay that I am changing; I just need to be able to go with the flow. 😉

Anyway, I love and appreciate each of you. Thank you for following our journey and blessing us along the way. God is a good, good Father and we have seen Him work so much good in our lives through this difficult time.

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

3 Breakfast Ideas for the Morning Challenged

Learning to love meal prep is one way of loving your family. Join us as we discover how at AuthenticVirtue.com!

I consider myself to be a morning person (in theory at least). I enjoy hearing the first early bird sing and drinking coffee before the sun has risen.

Then I married a true morning person. As in, rises anywhere between 4:30 to 6:30 in the morning (and 6:30 a.m. is a late start for him!). The amazing thing is that Dalton always wakes up cheery and ready for the new day; he putzes around before turning on his current audio book or show. He’s simply ready to start his day.

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