Recently, I read a post written by Sheryl Sandberg, the deeply in-love chief operating officer of Facebook. I couldn’t help but read her thoughts as she shared her heart and gleanings from the last thirty days since her husband passed.
It was beautiful.
And I’m not sure if it’s the cloudy, overcast sky or the emotional bubble I seem to be in but tears almost filled my eyes as I read her account of losing her beloved.
What if I lost my Dalton?
What if I lost the only man I have ever allowed into my life?
I would miss the way he comes home everyday and *always* greets me with a kiss, smile and attention (without fail). I would miss the way he fluffs his wet hair and calls himself a chick. I’d miss the way he dramatically tells me to “shhhhh” when I interrupt one of his rants. I’d miss the way he always seems to know when there is something on my mind or heart. I’d miss the way he reaches over to grab me in the night, pulling me closer to his side as he sleeps. I’d miss the way he brings me coffee in the morning … spilling it across the floor as he walks. I’d miss the way he asks me to rub his feet. I’d miss the way he jabs, pokes, grabs and teases me. I’d miss the way he phones me randomly and the way he calls after getting off his shift. I’d miss the way he always seems to forget the food that gets on his face. I’d miss the way he struts around the house after cooking an amazing spaghetti. I’d miss the way he encourages me to look to God for all, to love and desire the will of God most and to remember that heaven is far more real and desirable than what I currently see. I’d miss the way he laughs … the way his whole face turns red, eyes squint and water, and the smile that turns into a contagious grin. (Dalton hardly ever laughs without shedding tears of joy; they are parallel). I’d miss the way he gives heartfelt gifts to me. I’d miss the way his long, spindly fingers intercross mine. I’d miss the way he encourages me to have friends. I’d miss the way he supports my writing and blog. I’d miss the way he loves reading God’s Word and discovering new truths. I’d miss his generosity, his ability to mix work and play without fail and his love of children.
And now, as I’m nearly a puddle of tears (which is so weird because I never cry) I want to stop missing and start being thankful.
As of now, and until God wills, I have a beautiful man to love. A man who loves me, crazy as he seems, without fail, conceit or means of personal gain.
And for the rest of my life I want to love him, bless him and live life with him knowing that, one day, all the beautiful treasurable traits I love about him may not be tangible.
Readers, love on your people. Serve them, bless them and keep them full of laughter, love and courage.
Love, coffee and blessings,