Having a Heavenly Marriage Starts with being a Generous Wife

Generosity is such an important ingredient for a thriving, happy union.

Dalton and I have been married for almost 6 years and they have been wonderful, dear years but along with all the joy there has been a lot of stretching.

Sweet friend, let me tell you some of the ways I have grown (and am still growing) to be a more generous wife; maybe I can help you avoid the pitfalls I floundered in!

Being a generous wife looks different for every woman and marriage but here are 4 key areas I’ve found important:

  • Be generous in arguments

Alright, let’s just dive into real life. Couples fight. We fight. You will fight.

There’s no getting around the “heated fellowship” which happens whenever two people vow to live as one. You will have different views on how to handle finances, parenting, family conflict, and how to run your home.

The success of your marriage is not measured by the absence of conflict but by how well you communicate and work through the conflict.

So, sweet one, fight well and generously. Don’t rage and don’t cold-shoulder. Do speak gently and do pick your battles. Don’t drag other people into your conflict and don’t pick at old wounds (stick to the topic at hand).

  • Be generous in bed

It’s a lie to believe that generous intimacy in the bedroom is just for wild women. It’s for you and it is so important.

Now, please know that there will be seasons in life where intimacy will look different and that’s totally okay! (Think pregnancy, bed rest, or sickness).

What do I mean by being generous in bed? It means initiating. Be generous with yourself (and not try to act like someone you’re not). Generosity in the bedroom means communicating with your hubby about what you need. And it means generously saying yes. (while generously saying no to reading fantasy books or entertaining lust for people outside marriage).

I’m super awkward when it comes to discussing the intimate parts of marriage but I firmly believe that this is an issue the Church needs to discuss more.

When we practice generosity in the bedroom, there is immense beauty and freedom. <3

  • Be generous in eye-contact and attention

I admit that I often have one million things on my mind and it’s difficult for me to stop and attend to Dalton when he’s wanting to talk. I like keeping my hands busy but I’ve found Dalton feels most heard when I stop what I’m doing and listen well.

It takes effort for us to be generous with our attention and eye-contact but it’s so very important to take the time and listen well when your spouse is connecting with you.

  • Be generous with forgiveness and good will

It’s so easy to carry a chip on our shoulders, isn’t it? To assume that every time our husband is forgetful or short with us that he was purposefully being unkind and rude?

I’ve have found a great deal of happiness in being generous with good will and in assuming the best of my hubby. After all, I am so thankful when Dalton assumes the best in me — it’s a gift to always think the best of your spouse and quickly forgive when hurts do happen.

In the end, being a generous wife will not always be easy. It’s natural for us to want to fight for our rights and be stingy with our love, attention, and energy.

But, here’s to growing and maturing. Here’s to the generosity which turns ordinary relationships into heavenly ones.

Tell me — who has been a great example of a generous mama, wife, or friend in your life? What do you find so beautiful in their personality? Leave me a comment; I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Also, I’m going to be announcing a giveaway later today so please check back!

Love and blessings,

Frannie

Looking at your Husband with Confident Eyes

A wife confident in her husband is a blessing!

A few friends of mine have an excellent ability — they look at their husbands with confident, supportive eyes. Everyone in the room can tell she’s on his side, she’s got his back. Their confidence makes the woman more beautiful and the man more respected.

There isn’t anything truly remarkable about these men except that their uniquely themselves. One is a bit eccentric and brilliant, the other smart and savvy. But the confidence and enjoyment these women have beautifies and exemplifies these ordinary men.

Me? Not so much. Honestly, I like to stay in the background and nurse my quirky wallflower nature.

Then, I married an entertainer. It took me a looooooooooooong time to understand that entertaining was one of Dalton’s innate, God-given longings and purposes. He loves bringing laughter to people he feels close to; it energizes and gives purpose to his day.

By the time we married, I had some resemblances to a sour, prickly old maid you read about in classic literature. I have a sense of humor but it’s simple, childlike, and mischievous. The prickly side of my nature looks down and picks apart colorful, witty humor and shies away from anything that draws too much attention.

There are other gifts and talents I didn’t fully appreciate — his ability to lead, his love for weight lifting, his gift for making the hard choices and following thru, his fondness of spontaneous dancing and jumping into rivers, or his deep appreciation for abstract, theological discussion.

Do you know what a poo-poo attitude does to a person? It shrinks them. Holding back from joining in another person’s joy belittles and discourages them. Ultimately, it breaks down trust and friendship.

Not having confidence in your husband’s personality and nature builds barriers of distrust and walls of shame.

No one wants their personality, thought process, humor, or enjoyments belittled.

That’s why I choose to recognize that the differences in our personality as good. I choose to have confidence in the uniqueness of my man and encourage you to do the same. Let’s appreciate the handiwork and creativity of God by accepting and appreciating the natures of our men.

Let's have confidence and enjoyment in our husbands @ AuthenticVirtue.com

Romans 12 encourages us to love without hypocrisy (no eye rolls or shaking of the head) and to honor and have great affection for each other — this includes our men! How we respond to the personalities and interests of our hubby’s reflects the love of Christ. It’s that important.

If there are areas in your husbands personality or nature that are not all they could be, pray for your man. Communicate your thoughts and talk over what you are seeing. My hubby always says he needs to know what I’m thinking, even if he disagrees, so that he make the best decisions possible.

But, for a lot of our husbands, having confidence in who they are will be a life-spring and freedom badly needed and highly rewarded.

Tell me — what aspect of your partner’s nature do you find different from your own and how do you respond to that? I’d love to hear from you!

Cheers to happier husbands and happier marriages!

Frannie

Three Benefits to Postponing Your Honeymoon

Here are 3 of my favorite reasons to wait to go on your honeymoon!

With weddings coming up this year I want to revisit an old favorite of mine and talk about the honeymoon! Traditionally, honeymooners travel far from home the day of or after their wedding; they spend hours in splendor basking in the joys of marriage.

It’s an amazing time to bond and grow in intimacy with your new spouse.

We went a different route. After being (unexpectedly) unemployed for several months, my husband had just begun a new job three months before our wedding. It wasn’t possible to take time off and, in all honesty, neither of us had money to travel.

But, boy, did we have a honeymoon.

In preparation for our marriage, Dalton scrubbed, painted, and cleaned our rental from top to bottom; after our wedding, I hopped into his white truck and we drove three hours northwest to our home.

And just like countless couples before us, Dalton carried me over the threshold and our honeymoon at home began.

After eleven months of marriage and lots of saving, we flew to Las Vegas for 10 days. Our honeymoon away from home bought and paid for out of pocket. 

There are several benefits for waiting to go on your honeymoon but here are three of my favorite. Let me know what you think!

1. You enjoy each other without pressure

Traveling naturally creates stress. Flying (or driving), checking in, and finding your way around a new environment can cause new couples stress.

For Dalton and I, two very happy introverts, there is no place like home. We settled into each other (and our marriage) without the stress and pressure of the outside world. Since I was new to our city, Dalton took me to places he knew I would want to visit and explore. He spent the first few weeks making my time extra special. It was wonderful.

2. You know each other

There’s a learning curve when getting to know your spouse. You haven’t learned each other’s spending habits or been humbled by their bravery and courage when unanswered prayers and broken dreams happen.

You don’t know each other yet but you will.

For us, it was worth putting off an official honeymoon. We know and love each other far better then when we first said “I do” which made our first vacation together that much sweeter.

3. You will enjoy your trip better

God designed marriage to be a beautiful, creative, sexual adventure for you and your spouse and it’s His will that you want for marriage to begin that amazing adventure.

Of course, each couple is different but, for me, it was important to give myself time. I can’t imagine how stressful it would have been for me if we were honeymooning in the tropics and every moment was filled with an activity.

Of course, I know it’s totally possible to plan a beautiful honeymoon and not be roped into all the activities offered. (Think cozy AirBnB in the mountains or beach resort). But for me, it would have been stressful. I loved knowing that at anytime we could go explore our new town and then safely retire back to our cozy, little home and into my man’s strong arms. Physical intimacy (and getting used to it) requires time and I am thankful for the space and freedom not being on a honeymoon offered.

What do you think? Let me know if you waited for your honeymoon or if you loved your getaway! I’d love to hear your thoughts! Also, check out Sheila’s To Love, Honor, and Vaccuum where she published this post!

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

My Monday Cleaning Mantra

Mondays are cleaning days in our home. The goal is to get the dust dusted, the sinks scrubbed, bathrooms sanitized, beds changed, and floors swept and washed. Then, the rest of the week are upkeep days usually requiring light tidying.

While I sweep and dust and scrub I talk to Uriah about why we clean. I’ve repeated the reasons for why Momma sweeps: Momma sweeps to keep the dirt from getting on our feet. When we have dirt on our feet it gets into our beds and then we don’t sleep well and when we don’t sleep well we don’t feel well and can get sick. So this is why Momma sweeps.

To which I get the usual replies of gah gah gahhhhh or Mommmmma, mommmmma, momma, momma, momamomamomamomaoma!!! 🙂

Teaching Uriah while I work alleviates the ever present mommy guilt; it’s a strange notion that baby needs our attention all the time so other areas of life need to be forsaken to keep baby well-loved.  But mom guilt is silly. That’s why I’m learning the balance between focusing on Uriah and teaching him through my actions that the world doesn’t revolve around him (precious as he is). And one way to do that is talking to your baby as you work, especially children who have vision or mobility issues and who cannot follow momma to the kitchen when she does the dishes.

Keeping the house clean and neat is something I really enjoy doing; there is a lot of pleasure that comes from doing something well and keeping things maintained. Of course, there are days when keeping the house isn’t the most favorable task but I’m learning that keeping to the routine helps keep the mess down which makes future cleaning easier and more tackle-able (is this a word?). Waiting to clean till you see the mess or the dirt is defeating and discouraging; keep up with the mess and your friends will marvel and say fun things like your house is always clean or you should run a business because you are so organized!  

And you can smile, tell them your secrets, and enjoy the beauty that comes with weekly cleaning! 😀

Or, in the words of the magnificent Tasha Tudor, “I enjoy doing housework, ironing, washing, cooking, dishwashing. Whenever I get one of those questionnaires and they ask what is your profession, I always put down housewife. It’s an admirable profession, why apologize for it. You aren’t stupid because you’re a housewife. When you’re stirring the jam you can read Shakespeare.

Love, blessings, and coffee,

Frannie

The Three Cords Marriages Succeed With

The 3 cords of marriage and all the blessings they bring @ AuthenticVirtue.com

It’s been two years and five months since Dalton and I walked down the candle and petal lined aisle as husband and wife. Two plus years of loving, growing, learning, and enjoying the marriage covenant we made with each other and God.

After so many days we’ve seen how true Ecclesiastes 4:12 is, ” … if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  

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