Fighting Captivity: Lust

There once was a girl who felt she could never
find love, never find victory, and never find peace.

Sexual
sins are the heavy skeletons we Christians like to bury deep in the back of the
darkest closet; we fear that dragging out that ol’ bag of bones will make
friends and family run fast in the other direction. We fear being vulnerable.

 I am no different. I’m scared to death to
share my struggles with lust, masturbation, and pornography. What will my
fellow sisters in Christ think? What if my friends see this? What will I do if
Jim-dear ever comes across my blog? (Jim-dear=reference to future, unknown
hubby J)

Nevertheless,
I am so tired of hiding what Christ
has delivered me from. I am tired of not being able to relate with others my
own age because they see my head-covering and assume I’m from planet Perfection.
I’m saddened by the lack of openness among Christian women struggling with lust.

So,
this is my story. When
I was in my early preteen years I discovered the captive-taking power of masturbation
and pornography. My favorite websites to browse were chat forums full of vile
sin. The sweet innocence my parents desperately tried to protect was thrown out
the window by my very own hands.

The
world tries to convince young people (and older ones, too) that freedom and
happiness equates fulfilling our desires. This is not true.

I
am so thankful that Jesus continued to pursue my wretched heart and eventually
won the battle. I became a Christian. And life changed from that moment; I finally,
for the first time in my life, had the ability to say no to my lusts.

So,
this is where it is now. I still struggle. I still fail.

But
Jesus still loves me.

I’m
learning how to truly let Jesus be my all-in-all. I’m discovering that my
loneliness and temptations are, more often than not, reminders that I need to
draw closer to Christ.

Sister
in Christ, I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that
Jesus really is all you need. I want you to know that it is totally possible to
be pure and at peace with God.

Jesus
is a real person. He knows our thoughts, ours pasts, and He still offers forgiveness
and victory over sin. He frees the captives and He lifts the face of the
ashamed and makes them whole.

Resting
in His faithful person,

Frannie 

P.S.
It is my heart’s desire for these posts to be encouraging and uplifting. I know
there will be some who will shirk away from posts like this; that’s okay. And
if you have battled the formidable foe, Lust, drop me an anonymous (or
non-anonymous) comment and share your testimony or ways you have gained
victory. Comments like that would be encouraging! I do caution giving only as much detail as would be honoring and edifying. Blessings to you!

What’s a Girl to Do? Part II

            Alas! It does not take one long
before he or she discovers a massive, destructive black hole within their heart. It’s like there’s missing a
piece and so, naturally, we begin to fill it. Personally, I’ve tried to jam
this hole with simple, harmless pleasures like food, friendships, boys, and
entertainment; however, after all my jamming and cramming, I discovered
that I was being poisoned. Discontentment, desperation, and disappointment led
to depression and a frantic, harmful searching.

            I’ve learned a few things since
then. I’ve found the secret puzzle piece which had been missing for all those
years; sweet friends, it’s Jesus. He is able to fill every crevice, every hole
within my heart and best of all, He
wants to
. No matter how black and filthy it is—I know, because He filled
mine.

            Sadly, however, I’ve failed many a
time; somehow it is so easy to take my eyes off my Lord and place them upon wonderful
but unsatisfying things. And then I begin the cycle once again: Discontentment,
desperation, and disappointment leading to a harmful depression and vain
search.

            I think we ladies tend to do that
with relationships. Especially we Christian ladies; we’ve made it a science—practicing
godly character traits (especially when around other spiritual giants!) while
keeping one doe-like eye on the local handsome bachelor; he had better catch wind
of our visiting the poor and lovingly serving in the nursery. (C’mon! let’s be
honest!) Sadly, we waste our time, our emotions, and our love on a boy who does
not belong to us. We stop looking to Christ for our joy and fulfillment. I know because I do the same thing.

            So, I ask the question again: What’s
a girl to do?

            Let’s
get a vision
. According to God’s word, “Where there is no vision, the
people perish:” (Proverbs 29:18a) The word perish
does not only mean to die; it also means
to cast off restraint, live like savages,
fall away
, to grow lax. Oi. How
true this is in my life! When I do not have a vision of what God wants, I do cast of restraint, I do fall away from holiness, I do grow lax. I give into
temptations I would have never considered if I would have had a vision.  The end result: Shame.

            Oh sisters! Let us gain a vision of holiness,
of purity! Let us be willing to ask God to put a vision, a dream, an aspiration
into our hearts and souls! His dreams. His aspirations. Let us not be afraid to
ask God to open the eyes of our heart, to enlarge our visions.

            Sweet one, I promise, when we allow
God to open our eyes and to give us good, lovely dreams we will be able to walk
in this world filled with purpose and certainty. We will be able to stop
wasting emotions and will be able to live in practical, beautiful purity.  Just like Abraham, once we catch God’s
vision, we will begin to live a life of obedience. We will begin to walk in the
way of God.

            Lord willing, I hope to spend the
next few posts on these visions. I’d love it if you would share any dream God
has given you or a vision you believe He would want us daughters of the King to
have.

            “Now unto him that is able to do
exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power
that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout
all ages, world without end. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20, 21

            Beginning to dream dreams of good
things,

                        Frannie

*This
post was majorly influenced by an excellent set of messages by Brother Denny
Kenaston. Please visit this link to catch some wonderful wisdom for yourself.